So recently there have been a number of variables that have affected my decision making abilities and moreso- the logic behind said process.
1. I just turned 27. That is a big step. I mean that is 3 years away from 30! I cannot even believe it. I have this weird underlying fear of aging, that I think I soak up by default from my surroundings and culture with its disdain for maturity and exhaltation of youth. But inherently, on a very personal level, I feel that the older I get, the more comfortable and confident I start to feel in my own skin. In fact I've never felt so beautiful and elegant before, and I am hoping that state of being will only continue to expand.
That being said, health is becoming a bigger concern to me as I notice my body changing and perhaps, the reaction time to healing slowing down here and there, little things popping up like random issues that I never had before. Particularly, I have a specific medical condition, that has developed through lack of foresight, I will not share the details to spare you and also to maintain some semblance of privacy. However, I am of the school of thought that it is possibly a condition to which I am predisposed because my younger sister, 1.5 yrs my junior has suffered from the same issue not even half a year ago. So I suppose there are some things you just can't prevent if your genetics are wired a certain way.
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, because to rectify the situation, I would need to have a surgical procedure done and it is going to utilize my full deductible which is $1500. And btw, taxes this year are going to suck and I may end up owing that or more. So that puts me back $3k!!!! I mean, that is a brutal financial set back for me. So I am going to try something extreme.
Fasting.
I have been fasting consistently one day a week for the last month or more. It was hard initially, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. What I am proposing is fasting for in upwards of a week. I've been doing the preliminary research, and fasting has incredible effects on the body as far as healing is concerned. When one fasts, for an extended duration of time, the body goes into Ketosis. That is when you are depriving it of calories of any sort.
I am proposing a complete and total water fast. I've spoken to people who have suggested juice fasting, but that would defeat the purpose, because in order to go into Ketosis, you basically need to starve your cells of glucose, protein and fats.
Ketosis is the state in which your body, being deprived of energy, begins to burn fat and eventually protein for energy. During this process, because toxins are stored in fat, you go through a detoxification process as they are released, and the body then expels of these toxins or uses them for energy which seems weird enough. Since the digestive system is not engaged-A lot of resources go into the process of digesting ones food on a daily basis- your cells are freed up to "clean up house" if you will. Bad tissue is collected and allocated to be used for fuel, good tissue is repaired and overall, your body is given a break.
Aging is really the process by which ones enzyme stores are depleted, and there have been innumerable studies showing that calorie deprivation actually extends ones life, which makes perfect sense since you are preserving the enzymes that would otherwise get lost to digestion. If you think about it, digestion takes up a lot of energy that could otherwise go towards other endeavors.
So this will be the first time I am doing an extended fast, and frankly at this point in my life I am probably overdue, so it will be a good change for me, and something I will plan to do at least once every year, with intermittent bouts of fasting throughout the year.
Along with the fast, I am going to do another first, several colonics to assist the body in detoxifying by ridding it at a rate that wouldn't be possible without help. I know, it doesn't seem natural and in some cases might be deleterious, but in this case, and I've done the research on the topic, without having contents pass through the digestive system to initiate peristalsis-the muscular reverberations that expel excrement- there is a need for additional assistance in this regard. In fact, one of the issues that people have in our modern culture with the consumption of over processed foods, is bowels that remain in ones body for longer than is ideal. Aka constipation etc. When this happens, the body will actually absorb the toxins that it has sought to rid itself of when the fecal matter stagnates in the digestive tract.
So several firsts for me, and I will be sure to keep a diary of my progress and issues that I am dealing with as they arise. I think it will also be a time to rest and take care of myself in ways that I'm not used to or typically will do with food. Lots of baths, walks outdoors, going to bed early, body brushing, stretching, gentle exercises and even massages/acupuncture as treats to myself for lymphatic drainage and detoxing since I won't be able to enjoy the benefits of food.
I've already started prepping by eating light, avoiding alcohol/meat/dairy/gluten/sugar and am drinking lots of green juices like Parsley, kale, collards, cucumber and cabbage. I am eating my sauerkraut religiously and sprouting buckwheat. I have been mixing the green juices with egg yolks and will be trying to go entirely raw this week. I plan to start my fast Monday, and it will last as long as it needs to in order to get me from point A. to Point B. Possibly 7-10 days, if not more. True Ketosis takes place after 20 days, so not sure if I will go that far or extreme, but if I can save $1500 and fix myself and possibly give myself a much needed break and refresh, then why the hell not?!
Since I am publicly announcing it, I have no choice but to go through with it! :)
Apr 11, 2012
Mar 5, 2012
Adrenal Fatigue and Life Apathy
So without a doubt, the last few months have been tumultuous at best. I've dealt with innumerable stresses, and always resilient, I've often taken for granted how easily I adapt to circumstances. Recently however, I got knocked down a few times and found myself having a hard time getting up and brushing myself off before tumbling over after another gust of unexpectedness.
And it has been rather humbling I daresay, to have allowed the air to get knocked out of me and not necessarily take in a full breath afterwards. It has been rough to say the least, but the light at the end of the tunnel, well I think I can actually see that pin point!
Ok, maybe it is the size of a bowling ball from where I stand, but needless to say, I have luckily found myself finding a balance yet again. It just took me quite a bit longer than typical and I am still recuperating. I am pretty sure I exhausted my adrenals with the intense stress I've been under, because I gained weight while in North Carolina, and for the first time have actually had trouble getting back to my old fit self strictly through dietary means. Now I am not fat in any sense of the word, but I have certain standards for myself, and by my own standards, I need to get back in shape.
From what I gather, the excessive coristol in my system caused me to gain weight and it is going to take more than diet to boost my metabolism, and I am on the right path and have already slimmed down substantially with the ground work of re-introducing fat into my diet in the form of beef tallow and coconut oil. I am experimenting with additional sources such as marrow, and am keeping my distance from poultry fat because of its high omega 6 concentration, but I do enjoy it occasionally. If I had access to raw butter, that would be awesome, but all I can get my hands on is pasteurized grass fed so I opt for that instead.
But I am trying to veer away from simple carbs again, I will eat fruit in lieu of sweets and some complex carbs, but with winter still lingering here in Denver, it is hard to resist the lure of baked goods and comforting grain based food stuffs. One thing I am doing also is re-introducing organ meats into my diet. Raw, and varied.
Ew??? Yes, I agree, EW. EW!
You don't even know, I thought swallowing raw liver was gangsta, until I tried raw buffalo Kidney.
Oh god, you can't even imagine.
So what I do, is I find a good source of grass fed humanely raised meats, I like a butcher shop in Wheat Ridge called Edwards Meats. They have basically every sort of fleshy morsel you could imagine, I mean thymus, rocky mountain oysters, brain, suet-My next experiment- (that is raw beef fat) livers, hearts and like I mentioned before the dreaded Kidney.
Why would I subject myself to this horrific routine every morning? Gulping down raw chunks of animal organs?? I will tell you why friends, and I will probably gross you out. I don't particularly like it, by any means, in fact sometimes I gag because I am so disgusted myself. But animal organ meats are incredibly nutrient dense pieces of flesh that have historically been favored over muscle meats in non-industrialized societies. America is possibly the only country that doesn't consume these rich sources of fat soluble vitamins and trace minerals. But why raw?
Well, enzymes, that is why. Enzymes, the building blocks of action, without which life would not exist. Catalysts that spark thought, metabolism, digestion, replication I mean the list goes on and on... Basically, the day you run out of enzymes is the day you die. So while I don't necessarily advocate eating entirely raw, out of convenience, I just don't think it is rational with the modern lifestyle and the stress of trying to adhere to such would offset the benefit it would bring. But I am trying to incorporate as much raw or partially raw foods into my diet and I take a digestive enzyme supplement.
Additionally I have found the most awesome fermenting solution for me, and it has allowed me to make my sauerkraut without nearly as much hassle, time, smell and various issues that accomodate the process. So I just stuck my sauerkraut into the fridge because it has completed its fermentation cycle, so that is another great contribution I am going to be able to add to my diet that will lend enzymatic currency to my bodily processes.
So with those additions and a few others, such as putting a pinch of celtic sea salt into my beverages during the day to keep me keen and alert, I've noticed my face clearing up substantially, I don't feel exhausted by 1 or 2pm at work, and I think inch by inch, foot by foot I am making progress on acquiring those much needed nutrients that my diet has been lacking for the last few months. I take a much better approach with these things now that I am so much older, knowledgeable and mature.
Rather than thinking about what I am being deprived of in my diet, I think about what I am including, and trying to focus on trying to increase the nutritional value of what I eat versus empty calories that actually leach my body of its minerals and vitamins.
That being said, as it has started to get warmer, I've started to feel the itch of the outdoors and my love for being active when the weather is conducive. I am going to be heading to a park near my house and sprinting in the grass, doing some interval training and following a regiment of calisthenics, all body weight exercises. I know that once I do this, the last of the fat I've been having trouble shaking off, will simply melt away in a matter of weeks. So I am really not too worried, what I want to do though, is have fun while I am working out, so it isn't drudgery, but something I actually look forward to.
I'm super excited for spring and for what lies in store.
And it has been rather humbling I daresay, to have allowed the air to get knocked out of me and not necessarily take in a full breath afterwards. It has been rough to say the least, but the light at the end of the tunnel, well I think I can actually see that pin point!
Ok, maybe it is the size of a bowling ball from where I stand, but needless to say, I have luckily found myself finding a balance yet again. It just took me quite a bit longer than typical and I am still recuperating. I am pretty sure I exhausted my adrenals with the intense stress I've been under, because I gained weight while in North Carolina, and for the first time have actually had trouble getting back to my old fit self strictly through dietary means. Now I am not fat in any sense of the word, but I have certain standards for myself, and by my own standards, I need to get back in shape.
From what I gather, the excessive coristol in my system caused me to gain weight and it is going to take more than diet to boost my metabolism, and I am on the right path and have already slimmed down substantially with the ground work of re-introducing fat into my diet in the form of beef tallow and coconut oil. I am experimenting with additional sources such as marrow, and am keeping my distance from poultry fat because of its high omega 6 concentration, but I do enjoy it occasionally. If I had access to raw butter, that would be awesome, but all I can get my hands on is pasteurized grass fed so I opt for that instead.
But I am trying to veer away from simple carbs again, I will eat fruit in lieu of sweets and some complex carbs, but with winter still lingering here in Denver, it is hard to resist the lure of baked goods and comforting grain based food stuffs. One thing I am doing also is re-introducing organ meats into my diet. Raw, and varied.
Ew??? Yes, I agree, EW. EW!
You don't even know, I thought swallowing raw liver was gangsta, until I tried raw buffalo Kidney.
Oh god, you can't even imagine.
So what I do, is I find a good source of grass fed humanely raised meats, I like a butcher shop in Wheat Ridge called Edwards Meats. They have basically every sort of fleshy morsel you could imagine, I mean thymus, rocky mountain oysters, brain, suet-My next experiment- (that is raw beef fat) livers, hearts and like I mentioned before the dreaded Kidney.
Why would I subject myself to this horrific routine every morning? Gulping down raw chunks of animal organs?? I will tell you why friends, and I will probably gross you out. I don't particularly like it, by any means, in fact sometimes I gag because I am so disgusted myself. But animal organ meats are incredibly nutrient dense pieces of flesh that have historically been favored over muscle meats in non-industrialized societies. America is possibly the only country that doesn't consume these rich sources of fat soluble vitamins and trace minerals. But why raw?
Well, enzymes, that is why. Enzymes, the building blocks of action, without which life would not exist. Catalysts that spark thought, metabolism, digestion, replication I mean the list goes on and on... Basically, the day you run out of enzymes is the day you die. So while I don't necessarily advocate eating entirely raw, out of convenience, I just don't think it is rational with the modern lifestyle and the stress of trying to adhere to such would offset the benefit it would bring. But I am trying to incorporate as much raw or partially raw foods into my diet and I take a digestive enzyme supplement.
Additionally I have found the most awesome fermenting solution for me, and it has allowed me to make my sauerkraut without nearly as much hassle, time, smell and various issues that accomodate the process. So I just stuck my sauerkraut into the fridge because it has completed its fermentation cycle, so that is another great contribution I am going to be able to add to my diet that will lend enzymatic currency to my bodily processes.
So with those additions and a few others, such as putting a pinch of celtic sea salt into my beverages during the day to keep me keen and alert, I've noticed my face clearing up substantially, I don't feel exhausted by 1 or 2pm at work, and I think inch by inch, foot by foot I am making progress on acquiring those much needed nutrients that my diet has been lacking for the last few months. I take a much better approach with these things now that I am so much older, knowledgeable and mature.
Rather than thinking about what I am being deprived of in my diet, I think about what I am including, and trying to focus on trying to increase the nutritional value of what I eat versus empty calories that actually leach my body of its minerals and vitamins.
That being said, as it has started to get warmer, I've started to feel the itch of the outdoors and my love for being active when the weather is conducive. I am going to be heading to a park near my house and sprinting in the grass, doing some interval training and following a regiment of calisthenics, all body weight exercises. I know that once I do this, the last of the fat I've been having trouble shaking off, will simply melt away in a matter of weeks. So I am really not too worried, what I want to do though, is have fun while I am working out, so it isn't drudgery, but something I actually look forward to.
I'm super excited for spring and for what lies in store.
Feb 18, 2012
Facebook or uh, Fakebook
Kind of off topic but a couple weeks ago I decided to deactivate my facebook account. You know I have been wanting to delete my profile for quite some time. There are a couple reasons why.
Primarily because I have been spending too much time there, doing God knows what, looking at other peoples lives as they are presented through a filter of ones choosing, and I noticed it brought out a sort of "stalker" tendency in me, to creepily look at profiles of my b/f's ex's comparing myself to them and feeding various other retarded petty insecurities like that.
I mean, the weird thing is, they don't even know who I am! Also, I was noticing the standards of modesty with which the younger generations are holding themselves, and to risk sounding like an old fart, but kids these days are posting pictures of themselves in their underwear if you are lucky and in many cases just taking pictures of themselves naked and then cropping out the parts that would get their profiles removed.
I don't know, since when did this behavior become remotely acceptable? Why do you feel the need to objectify yourself in such a rash and graphic manner? I fear that in this media driven culture, there is little emphasis being placed on character, and values and anything remotely related to integrity. It is all so very narcissistic and self absorbed and I fear, I had also become a victim to it.
I mean it just plays into everyones favorite subjects, themselves.
Not to mention, I think the breaking point for me was seeing a commercial during the superbowl.
In fact here it is
and perhaps you watch it and don't think it is a big deal, but I feel like that is what life has become to people. A spectacle to document in an attempt to impress other people who really truly don't care because they are so consumed with making their own lives look so awesome they don't even notice how much effort everyone else is putting into doing the same exact thing.
Am I the only person that feels this way? Further am I the only person that was somewhat disturbed by that commercial? Granted I had had a few to drink so maybe the effect was magnified, watching it the second time around was not nearly as impactful, but regardless it really messed with my head and made me wonder if I was resorting to doing the same thing with my own life. Taking pictures not for myself or because I want to remember certain moments in my life, but because it would make me look so much better on facebook.
And that is what I feel, that people are filtering their lives to include only the good things, and that is what they post on their facebook walls and share with all their friends, and they aren't going to post a picture of themselves wearing their fat pants or having bed head, but instead immaculate and perfect photos which make everyone else feel like they are a jabba the hut.
I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ's were bantering about how they couldn't believe that people felt the need to photoshop themselves on their FB profiles. I was just sitting there thinking to myself, "who doesn't?" it seems to me that most of the photos I ever see are in some way revised to hide flaws and emphasize strengths. It seems quaint to me that these guys were shocked, but then again, I supposed none of them even really knew how to use photoshop. I think that the cultural gaps between each generation is just getting wider and wider, to the point where the communication habits of younger folks who were raised with texting and FB and Myspace are going to be very hard to interpret for the rest of us who are used to talking to each other.
Can you imagine a world where you divorce your spouse over text, or don't find out you have broken up until you log into your facebook account one night and notice that your b/f's new status has changed to "It's complicated"?
So needless to say, I deactivated it to see how it would feel for a while, I was going to just delete it but don't know if that is a good idea for networking purposes, especially since my job relies on social media to build relationships with our clients.
I manage a few hundred accounts eventually I may need to start connecting to people that I have working relationships with to solidify the idea that I am a human, and not a robot simply taking their money and calling them to collect past due invoices.
So that is the only reason I am keeping it in case, but for now, I don't miss it even a little bit. I wrote a poem about it I may publish or make a video of on youtube. I don't miss looking at profiles of other people and feeling inadequate about how un-photogenic I am, or that I am not as successful, or living in Hawaii or guilty that I am not starting a family. I don't miss being a stalker and reviewing the profiles of guys I used to date and seeing who they are with now or checking out the threats to my current relationship. And I don't miss getting sad when only two people comment on a status that I thought was witty and deserved attention. It made me feel like a trite and immature child. And maybe I am, regardless maybe I just shouldn't be given those tools with which to feed fuel to the fire of my insecurities.
Apparently my friend just got engaged, and the news spilled on FB about it without her consent or knowledge so it was a huge drama fest, and I was the only person who didn't know, so when she called me to tell me, she at least got to announce it to one person that wasn't in her network. Ironic if anything, that I had pulled my account just a week before, and it further drove the point home.
Primarily because I have been spending too much time there, doing God knows what, looking at other peoples lives as they are presented through a filter of ones choosing, and I noticed it brought out a sort of "stalker" tendency in me, to creepily look at profiles of my b/f's ex's comparing myself to them and feeding various other retarded petty insecurities like that.
I mean, the weird thing is, they don't even know who I am! Also, I was noticing the standards of modesty with which the younger generations are holding themselves, and to risk sounding like an old fart, but kids these days are posting pictures of themselves in their underwear if you are lucky and in many cases just taking pictures of themselves naked and then cropping out the parts that would get their profiles removed.
I don't know, since when did this behavior become remotely acceptable? Why do you feel the need to objectify yourself in such a rash and graphic manner? I fear that in this media driven culture, there is little emphasis being placed on character, and values and anything remotely related to integrity. It is all so very narcissistic and self absorbed and I fear, I had also become a victim to it.
I mean it just plays into everyones favorite subjects, themselves.
Not to mention, I think the breaking point for me was seeing a commercial during the superbowl.
In fact here it is
and perhaps you watch it and don't think it is a big deal, but I feel like that is what life has become to people. A spectacle to document in an attempt to impress other people who really truly don't care because they are so consumed with making their own lives look so awesome they don't even notice how much effort everyone else is putting into doing the same exact thing.
Am I the only person that feels this way? Further am I the only person that was somewhat disturbed by that commercial? Granted I had had a few to drink so maybe the effect was magnified, watching it the second time around was not nearly as impactful, but regardless it really messed with my head and made me wonder if I was resorting to doing the same thing with my own life. Taking pictures not for myself or because I want to remember certain moments in my life, but because it would make me look so much better on facebook.
And that is what I feel, that people are filtering their lives to include only the good things, and that is what they post on their facebook walls and share with all their friends, and they aren't going to post a picture of themselves wearing their fat pants or having bed head, but instead immaculate and perfect photos which make everyone else feel like they are a jabba the hut.
I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ's were bantering about how they couldn't believe that people felt the need to photoshop themselves on their FB profiles. I was just sitting there thinking to myself, "who doesn't?" it seems to me that most of the photos I ever see are in some way revised to hide flaws and emphasize strengths. It seems quaint to me that these guys were shocked, but then again, I supposed none of them even really knew how to use photoshop. I think that the cultural gaps between each generation is just getting wider and wider, to the point where the communication habits of younger folks who were raised with texting and FB and Myspace are going to be very hard to interpret for the rest of us who are used to talking to each other.
Can you imagine a world where you divorce your spouse over text, or don't find out you have broken up until you log into your facebook account one night and notice that your b/f's new status has changed to "It's complicated"?
So needless to say, I deactivated it to see how it would feel for a while, I was going to just delete it but don't know if that is a good idea for networking purposes, especially since my job relies on social media to build relationships with our clients.
I manage a few hundred accounts eventually I may need to start connecting to people that I have working relationships with to solidify the idea that I am a human, and not a robot simply taking their money and calling them to collect past due invoices.
So that is the only reason I am keeping it in case, but for now, I don't miss it even a little bit. I wrote a poem about it I may publish or make a video of on youtube. I don't miss looking at profiles of other people and feeling inadequate about how un-photogenic I am, or that I am not as successful, or living in Hawaii or guilty that I am not starting a family. I don't miss being a stalker and reviewing the profiles of guys I used to date and seeing who they are with now or checking out the threats to my current relationship. And I don't miss getting sad when only two people comment on a status that I thought was witty and deserved attention. It made me feel like a trite and immature child. And maybe I am, regardless maybe I just shouldn't be given those tools with which to feed fuel to the fire of my insecurities.
Apparently my friend just got engaged, and the news spilled on FB about it without her consent or knowledge so it was a huge drama fest, and I was the only person who didn't know, so when she called me to tell me, she at least got to announce it to one person that wasn't in her network. Ironic if anything, that I had pulled my account just a week before, and it further drove the point home.
Jan 22, 2012
Re-Igniting the flame
So life has been hectic, I mean beyond crazy busy. I got a job a little over 2 months ago and assimilating into that role has been both challenging and difficult but the kicker is I have been doing that simultaneously while moving into my new apartment with the beau, and also buying a vehicle with him because his SUV blew up. And you know I don't blame it, because we drove it like 7 thousand miles in a two month period. So it was a tank and it got us home safely and we have every reason to be grateful that it didn't happen sooner, but Lordy, when it rains it pours don't it now!
I have been experiencing a string of blessings, and it is something I've always known, that with persistence, faith and patience, good things do come to those who wait. And better news is that the truck we got, is going to be part of our plan which I haven't shared with any of my audiences and I may have to keep on the DL a little bit longer, but we are going to cut our expenses down to the bare minimum so both of us can get out of this rat race and live a life unrestricted. Most people invest their money into endeavors, and I think I am going to take the other road. Live simply.
Now, my old dream was to buy a homestead and be self sufficient and off the grid. That is an awesome dream, and it still haunts me, but it is just not realistic and requires an inordinate amount of toiling that can't really be quantified or measured in terms of time=money. Because you end up spending all your time working, and then what? Yes, it is not like working in a cubicle, or at a factory, it is exceedingly satisfying and even primal, but I have reconciled myself with reality.
Yes, and that is the dollar is going to be devalued beyond repair, and property ownership is going to ultimately become something intangible and the headaches associated with it make me question that route anyways. So in two years our goal is to have an RV/fifth wheel. We already have a truck with the ability to haul more than enough weight, and I am going to be spending the next year getting rid of stuff that I really don't need and start adapting into a mobile lifestyle. Cut my crap down to the point that I literally can take everything I own with me and I can keep my valuables in a deposit box in my hometown.
After going to NC and experiencing a life unhinged, while stressful beyond belief, I can't help but reminisce about all that we accomplished, saw and did. It has changed me, I mean truly, I have evolved as a human and the material has become inconsequential. I still have those crazy sentimental attachments to "things" but I am slowly and surly learning to disassociate.
So that is the plan, and the other part of the plan is this, enjoy the present while things creep along at a snails pace to get us closer to the point where we can again together embark upon the unknown.
The biggest expense to us was lodging and food. With a trailer/RV in tow, other than paying to hookup if we needed to, our expenses would cut down substantially, having a kitchen and place to sleep at night leaves the biggest expense as being fuel. And that is a write off for the type of work we will be doing.
I would invest in a composting toilet, or make one myself out of a five gallon bucket and toilet seat with saw dust to cut down on having to hook up. We could get a couple solar panels, and use those camping showers and just buy water by the 5 gallon jug. You can park for free at most Walmart's and on BLM land.
So roughing it, yes, possibly, but in case you didn't notice, we are a very resilient and adaptable species. And the type of money we will both be making, we will be able to save up enough to maintain life on the downtime, travel and sight see and experience a life without obligations that most people have when they start a family, or are tied down to a mortgage payment, or stuck in a dead end job.
We both terribly miss the variety that work had to offer, the constantly changing dynamic, the many many new places, cultures, people we came across and having to work through some of the most difficult obstacles either of us has ever faced and coming out on the other end unscathed.
I am soo very excited about what life holds for us both. It was funny, when we got back, we were both so stressed out we almost broke off our relationship. And here we are a mere three months later, living together, like I'd vowed I would never do again after my last relationship!
And we wouldn't be in this situation if we hadn't taken that risk and gone to NC. Life has changed for me, I will never be the same.
I have been experiencing a string of blessings, and it is something I've always known, that with persistence, faith and patience, good things do come to those who wait. And better news is that the truck we got, is going to be part of our plan which I haven't shared with any of my audiences and I may have to keep on the DL a little bit longer, but we are going to cut our expenses down to the bare minimum so both of us can get out of this rat race and live a life unrestricted. Most people invest their money into endeavors, and I think I am going to take the other road. Live simply.
Now, my old dream was to buy a homestead and be self sufficient and off the grid. That is an awesome dream, and it still haunts me, but it is just not realistic and requires an inordinate amount of toiling that can't really be quantified or measured in terms of time=money. Because you end up spending all your time working, and then what? Yes, it is not like working in a cubicle, or at a factory, it is exceedingly satisfying and even primal, but I have reconciled myself with reality.
Yes, and that is the dollar is going to be devalued beyond repair, and property ownership is going to ultimately become something intangible and the headaches associated with it make me question that route anyways. So in two years our goal is to have an RV/fifth wheel. We already have a truck with the ability to haul more than enough weight, and I am going to be spending the next year getting rid of stuff that I really don't need and start adapting into a mobile lifestyle. Cut my crap down to the point that I literally can take everything I own with me and I can keep my valuables in a deposit box in my hometown.
After going to NC and experiencing a life unhinged, while stressful beyond belief, I can't help but reminisce about all that we accomplished, saw and did. It has changed me, I mean truly, I have evolved as a human and the material has become inconsequential. I still have those crazy sentimental attachments to "things" but I am slowly and surly learning to disassociate.
So that is the plan, and the other part of the plan is this, enjoy the present while things creep along at a snails pace to get us closer to the point where we can again together embark upon the unknown.
The biggest expense to us was lodging and food. With a trailer/RV in tow, other than paying to hookup if we needed to, our expenses would cut down substantially, having a kitchen and place to sleep at night leaves the biggest expense as being fuel. And that is a write off for the type of work we will be doing.
I would invest in a composting toilet, or make one myself out of a five gallon bucket and toilet seat with saw dust to cut down on having to hook up. We could get a couple solar panels, and use those camping showers and just buy water by the 5 gallon jug. You can park for free at most Walmart's and on BLM land.
So roughing it, yes, possibly, but in case you didn't notice, we are a very resilient and adaptable species. And the type of money we will both be making, we will be able to save up enough to maintain life on the downtime, travel and sight see and experience a life without obligations that most people have when they start a family, or are tied down to a mortgage payment, or stuck in a dead end job.
We both terribly miss the variety that work had to offer, the constantly changing dynamic, the many many new places, cultures, people we came across and having to work through some of the most difficult obstacles either of us has ever faced and coming out on the other end unscathed.
I am soo very excited about what life holds for us both. It was funny, when we got back, we were both so stressed out we almost broke off our relationship. And here we are a mere three months later, living together, like I'd vowed I would never do again after my last relationship!
And we wouldn't be in this situation if we hadn't taken that risk and gone to NC. Life has changed for me, I will never be the same.
Nov 14, 2011
The glass is half full and half full of air, making it all FULL
Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
I'be been reading Guerrilla Marketing for Job Hunters and the book is rampant with great advice on looking for and securing a position in todays climate. (Which as you know, is exceedingly difficult to get noticed if you have had to contend with being unemployed for any given period of time after 2010.) I have actually changed my strategy as I get deeper into the literature, and found that it has in fact, exerted a more positive response to my efforts. I am actually getting interviews, and it is somewhat consistent, so even if I don't get the jobs, at least I have enhanced my methods and I'm getting the opportunity to practice interviewing. The only way to improve is to practice, it has been proven time and time again.
I have been taking my experience in North Carolina, (time having allowed the sting of taking a loss to diminish) and turing it around to find the good. You know, I had an interview today and spoke to a group of some very inspiring people who appear to be quite successful. What they all had in common was a history of taking risks. And that gave me quite a bit of hope for my own future, because in the short period of time that I have been an adult, I haven't even thought twice about taking certain risks. I see the value in learning through failure, which is something most people can't wrap their mind around.
In many regards, it can be frowned upon, because it is possibly perceived of as being careless, but as an avid gardener in Colorado, a semi-arid desert, the only way to learn what will work and what won't is through a meticulous case of trial and error. More importantly, being able to document ones progress and measure the results, because it is easy to forget what it was you did initially to forge a successful outcome, and if you aren't constantly taking notes, how can you replicate the outcome?
You know, if anything I have experienced something of a paradigm shift, in that I feel like a job is not exactly necessary but a rather nice option or luxury. I mean, I can truly sustain myself if needed and I know my own value, I don't know many people that are capable of the feats I've accomplished, but on the flip side, I also haven't necessarily grown my network to include those individuals that would challenge my own ideals of success. I feel that whomever you spend the great majority of your time with tends to determine your standards, and if those individuals have low standards, how are you going to expose yourself to other notions that might cause you to feel a little out of place and as a result of that dissonance, conform to the newer standards by which they account for themselves.
I think that values are another great example of this phenomenon. You know, being held accountable for your actions and having a sense of morality versus the excuse of "to each their own" and "it is all relative"excuses for bad behavior that people seem to overuse. I've recently been a witness to such brash behavior and it got me down, because it hurt someone I care very deeply about, and I've been thinking a great deal about this. Lack of transparency, no accountability, no one ever standing up to this person who espoused a most certain level of self centeredness as such that I've never encountered before. And I wondered to myself, what could possibly motivate such a person to change their behavior? And I have yet to determine the answer to that question.
But in the meanwhile, and along the lines of my prior rant, I feel that if you surround yourself with people that are challenging your own notions of worth, but in a good way, in such a way that inspires you to better yourself and improve your situation and find the positive in things, I do think it will inadvertently start rubbing off on you, simply by the default of being surrounded by those people.
It is entirely possible this happens through harmonic resonance, or various other means we have yet to understand, but I notice that either you clash or click with people and I am really beginning to understand the value of getting involved with people who have ambition, values, and a moral obligation to contribute to their communities and fellow man.
We are living in great times friends, great times, and while there are issues of economy and poverty and malnourishment and financial duress, we are still part of the few who enjoy the luxuries of having running water, electricity, carpeted floors in lieu of dirt, medical services, vehicles with which to travel, roads, and an abundance of food. The opportunity is there, you just need to sometimes get the right view by maybe asking the naysayer to move out of the way...
I'be been reading Guerrilla Marketing for Job Hunters and the book is rampant with great advice on looking for and securing a position in todays climate. (Which as you know, is exceedingly difficult to get noticed if you have had to contend with being unemployed for any given period of time after 2010.) I have actually changed my strategy as I get deeper into the literature, and found that it has in fact, exerted a more positive response to my efforts. I am actually getting interviews, and it is somewhat consistent, so even if I don't get the jobs, at least I have enhanced my methods and I'm getting the opportunity to practice interviewing. The only way to improve is to practice, it has been proven time and time again.
I have been taking my experience in North Carolina, (time having allowed the sting of taking a loss to diminish) and turing it around to find the good. You know, I had an interview today and spoke to a group of some very inspiring people who appear to be quite successful. What they all had in common was a history of taking risks. And that gave me quite a bit of hope for my own future, because in the short period of time that I have been an adult, I haven't even thought twice about taking certain risks. I see the value in learning through failure, which is something most people can't wrap their mind around.
In many regards, it can be frowned upon, because it is possibly perceived of as being careless, but as an avid gardener in Colorado, a semi-arid desert, the only way to learn what will work and what won't is through a meticulous case of trial and error. More importantly, being able to document ones progress and measure the results, because it is easy to forget what it was you did initially to forge a successful outcome, and if you aren't constantly taking notes, how can you replicate the outcome?
You know, if anything I have experienced something of a paradigm shift, in that I feel like a job is not exactly necessary but a rather nice option or luxury. I mean, I can truly sustain myself if needed and I know my own value, I don't know many people that are capable of the feats I've accomplished, but on the flip side, I also haven't necessarily grown my network to include those individuals that would challenge my own ideals of success. I feel that whomever you spend the great majority of your time with tends to determine your standards, and if those individuals have low standards, how are you going to expose yourself to other notions that might cause you to feel a little out of place and as a result of that dissonance, conform to the newer standards by which they account for themselves.
I think that values are another great example of this phenomenon. You know, being held accountable for your actions and having a sense of morality versus the excuse of "to each their own" and "it is all relative"excuses for bad behavior that people seem to overuse. I've recently been a witness to such brash behavior and it got me down, because it hurt someone I care very deeply about, and I've been thinking a great deal about this. Lack of transparency, no accountability, no one ever standing up to this person who espoused a most certain level of self centeredness as such that I've never encountered before. And I wondered to myself, what could possibly motivate such a person to change their behavior? And I have yet to determine the answer to that question.
But in the meanwhile, and along the lines of my prior rant, I feel that if you surround yourself with people that are challenging your own notions of worth, but in a good way, in such a way that inspires you to better yourself and improve your situation and find the positive in things, I do think it will inadvertently start rubbing off on you, simply by the default of being surrounded by those people.
It is entirely possible this happens through harmonic resonance, or various other means we have yet to understand, but I notice that either you clash or click with people and I am really beginning to understand the value of getting involved with people who have ambition, values, and a moral obligation to contribute to their communities and fellow man.
We are living in great times friends, great times, and while there are issues of economy and poverty and malnourishment and financial duress, we are still part of the few who enjoy the luxuries of having running water, electricity, carpeted floors in lieu of dirt, medical services, vehicles with which to travel, roads, and an abundance of food. The opportunity is there, you just need to sometimes get the right view by maybe asking the naysayer to move out of the way...
Nov 1, 2011
Back Home
Well, I am back at home safe and sound but with some minor adjustments. Ok, major adjustments.
The thing, it was a wash. Yeah, I mean, we went out there to make some money and our expenses ended up taking on a life of their own, turning in a monster that sort of consumed everything in sight. And that is a really, very difficult reality to contend with. So not only did we not break even, but I am down a few grand. Yes I repeat, not a couple, but a few grand and this puts me in a sort of questionable predicament being that I can't replenish those funds without, well, a JOB.
However, and I emphasize this part.. Wait for it. I, well, my b/f and I (that is currently in question actually) got to experience something most people never will. We took a huge risk, and in some ways it did not pan out for us, and in other ways we will always have this experience to look back on.
It was incredibly arduous, and it was enlightening and I'm sure that at some point in the future, I will understand why it was necessary. With the overpowering sense of failure blinding me, it is hard to see value in the lessons as of present. Boy oh boy were there lessons....Maybe I exaggerate about my feelings about this experience, because really we did not fail, we finished what we set out to do, with little guidance or direction and entirely of our own volition. And I honestly cannot say I know many people who could have done what we did. It is pretty incredible. Having to learn software, an entire vocation while on the job and with limited resources and more so- time...
We saw some beautiful places. Savannah being one of them. We stayed with the "b/f"'s mom in Florida and actually tanned a couple days on the beach. I was able to visit my friend Silvia in Memphis Tennessee on the way back home and we experienced Autumn in succession as we gained ground going north and while ascending in altitude at the same time. It was literally like we were either behind the season change or in front of it at any given point during our trip, but on the way back it was realized to its full extent in the vast vistas engorged with trees throughout Arkansas and Missouri. Scenes I will never forget.
In fact it made such an impact that while driving through the Ozarks, I thought to myself, what a wonderful place to settle down on my dream homestead. Who knows? Maybe someday that will happen for me, but in the meanwhile I have to face the reality that exists in this present age. I don't want to let my imagination get away with me lest I am disappointed when either it does happen and then falls apart, or never happens at all. It is better to just accept the way things are and not have delusions of grandeur. I know what happens when you lose the things you have put the most of yourself into. It is, in a word-debilitating. So not a fan of engaging in that form of self torture anymore.
We spent a bit of time playing at Mammoth Springs where I obtained a number of pictures of the leaves and was astounded by the spring. It apparently spews forth over 9 million gallons of mineral laden water a minute, into a vast section of lake that sprawls out against the landscape below The spring water itself originates on the plains of Western Missouri as rainwater that percolates through the sediment and enters a vast terrain of underground caverns where it reaches its final destination at the bottom of a hill in Mammoth Springs. It is a quaint sort of landmark, one that will remain ingrained in my memory for all time.
We had our ups and downs the b/f and I. There is really nothing like being "imprisoned" with someone 24/7 during a highly volatile and stressful situation to show you their character and limits of patience. It also shows you quite a bit about yourself. We had a number of less inspiring moments on our trip. A few random blow outs and it got us both questioning whether or not we are as compatible as we both once thought. That could be circumstantial, but we have some other issues that have been recurring since the first year we were together, stemming around trust and it has been exceptionally difficult to forge a balance since that time. But to our credit, we have tried to work through our issues and we do love each other with a sort madness I can't quite explain.
Relationships definitely take work, and with a couple of impassioned individuals, it is easy to misplace energy that might be channelled into a positive way. If I have learned anything it is that I know that I need to take care of me. I know that is so cliche but I've come to the realization that I tend to put everything I have into my relationships, and whatever might be left over into the other person. I do this to the extent that if perchance, there is an end to our story, I am left with lack, while they are left with lots. I am obviously a very generous person, and I have the best intentions, but things go array and somehow, I lose myself in the duo I've become part of.
This isn't a bad thing by any means, unless the relationship ends, which tends to happen. So what do you do? Do I go through life deciding to be selfish and not give of myself to others because I am constantly getting burned? I feel like that is half assed and if I am anything, I am not half assed. Everything I do, I do with intention and I give it 100%. So I suppose, if the relationship we have now, being on rocky ground gives way to a reveal a quarry below, then I think I will simply have to allow myself the liesure to fall and maybe
break a few bones but get back up stronger from it
down the road.
And I have the self discipline when on my own to do just that, but with another person in the picture, you get a skewed perception of what the future holds, so you prioritize to accomodate your collective vision. Again, not a bad thing in the right context, such as marriage.
Marriage....
Sigh. I don't think I will ever find myself entertaining the idea of such a contract. Anyways.... I guess I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. We are taking a breather from each other after the crazy 2 months of non-stop in your face exposure to each other, and if things don't work out, well, that is simply part of the process of growing up I suppose.
On a side note, still looking for a job, but going to prioritize and finish some projects up so I can maybe have a way to market my self more thoroughly and with better results than I have been encountering as of late. Reading a few books here and there, making an effort to reprogram my mental attitude by utilizing hypnosis techniques from hypnosisdownloads.com that have proven to be exceedingly helpful if at least to get me to fall asleep at night. I am sure though, that they are going to be a healthy alternative to some of the stress management techniques I've encountered.
So while the future is uncertain and I can't help but wonder and worry incessantly at the prospects ahead, I am doing my best to recognize how much worse it could be and trying to learn from each moment I encounter without judging it too much.
The thing, it was a wash. Yeah, I mean, we went out there to make some money and our expenses ended up taking on a life of their own, turning in a monster that sort of consumed everything in sight. And that is a really, very difficult reality to contend with. So not only did we not break even, but I am down a few grand. Yes I repeat, not a couple, but a few grand and this puts me in a sort of questionable predicament being that I can't replenish those funds without, well, a JOB.
It was incredibly arduous, and it was enlightening and I'm sure that at some point in the future, I will understand why it was necessary. With the overpowering sense of failure blinding me, it is hard to see value in the lessons as of present. Boy oh boy were there lessons....Maybe I exaggerate about my feelings about this experience, because really we did not fail, we finished what we set out to do, with little guidance or direction and entirely of our own volition. And I honestly cannot say I know many people who could have done what we did. It is pretty incredible. Having to learn software, an entire vocation while on the job and with limited resources and more so- time...We saw some beautiful places. Savannah being one of them. We stayed with the "b/f"'s mom in Florida and actually tanned a couple days on the beach. I was able to visit my friend Silvia in Memphis Tennessee on the way back home and we experienced Autumn in succession as we gained ground going north and while ascending in altitude at the same time. It was literally like we were either behind the season change or in front of it at any given point during our trip, but on the way back it was realized to its full extent in the vast vistas engorged with trees throughout Arkansas and Missouri. Scenes I will never forget.
In fact it made such an impact that while driving through the Ozarks, I thought to myself, what a wonderful place to settle down on my dream homestead. Who knows? Maybe someday that will happen for me, but in the meanwhile I have to face the reality that exists in this present age. I don't want to let my imagination get away with me lest I am disappointed when either it does happen and then falls apart, or never happens at all. It is better to just accept the way things are and not have delusions of grandeur. I know what happens when you lose the things you have put the most of yourself into. It is, in a word-debilitating. So not a fan of engaging in that form of self torture anymore.
We spent a bit of time playing at Mammoth Springs where I obtained a number of pictures of the leaves and was astounded by the spring. It apparently spews forth over 9 million gallons of mineral laden water a minute, into a vast section of lake that sprawls out against the landscape below The spring water itself originates on the plains of Western Missouri as rainwater that percolates through the sediment and enters a vast terrain of underground caverns where it reaches its final destination at the bottom of a hill in Mammoth Springs. It is a quaint sort of landmark, one that will remain ingrained in my memory for all time.
break a few bones but get back up stronger from it
down the road.
I've only been in two relationships granted, but I am a serial monogamist in the truest sense. I stick it out, during the good and the bad and I only give up when there seems to be no reconciling myself to the reality that things are simply not working. I also love my solitude and independence, and I know for a fact, that if I concentrated even a fraction on myself and developing my own autonomy, as I do on my relationships, I would be a successful woman indeed.
Marriage....
Sigh. I don't think I will ever find myself entertaining the idea of such a contract. Anyways.... I guess I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. We are taking a breather from each other after the crazy 2 months of non-stop in your face exposure to each other, and if things don't work out, well, that is simply part of the process of growing up I suppose.
On a side note, still looking for a job, but going to prioritize and finish some projects up so I can maybe have a way to market my self more thoroughly and with better results than I have been encountering as of late. Reading a few books here and there, making an effort to reprogram my mental attitude by utilizing hypnosis techniques from hypnosisdownloads.com that have proven to be exceedingly helpful if at least to get me to fall asleep at night. I am sure though, that they are going to be a healthy alternative to some of the stress management techniques I've encountered.
So while the future is uncertain and I can't help but wonder and worry incessantly at the prospects ahead, I am doing my best to recognize how much worse it could be and trying to learn from each moment I encounter without judging it too much.
Oct 19, 2011
Savannah Georgia is absolutely one of the most aesthetic cities I've ever encountered. I was there at just the right time and the right place, but I ascertain that it may be one of the most beautiful cities in America.
It was a much needed break from the chaos I had so grown used to, and the complete and utter lack of things to do in North Carolina, let alone the luxury to follow through on any such urges to entertain oneself.
So we spent a couple days acquainting ourselves with this wonderful city, and here are some pictures I've displayed as a result of my meanderings. Hope you enjoy! And if ever you have the chance, do stop by this impressive locale!
Oct 9, 2011
Winding down
So things have begun to slowly come to head. The weather here in North Carolina is like something out of a dream and I'm glad that both the b/f and I have been able to enjoy the more positive aspects of this job. Such as spending a bit of time at the beach, going to the 2nd biggest Seafood festival in North Carolina, going to Mumfest yesterday in the historic town of Newbern and just being able to go outside without a sweater when everyone in Colorado is battling sleet and frost!
That aside, I am still quite bummed I'll be missing out on Autumn, so I am hoping that on our drive back, we will be able to observe the change throughout the country. One place I'm quite looking forward to is driving through Kentucky, because it is gorgeous and has no lack of foliage.
I was really hoping to visit Virginia to attend an event we were invited to by an older couple we met at a hotel here. Because that is where the concept of Autumn undoubtably makes Colorado's attempt at Fall look like child's play. Unfortunately, we have encountered some additional impediments to our plan, and the finances are not conducive towards that end. So it is what it is and I will make sure to visit that area when I do actually have the luxury to follow through on one of my life long dreams of visiting the East in Autumn.
In lieu of that, we are going to hop skip and jump on over to Florida, because after all our hard work and insane work schedules, we deserve to enjoy some serious down time.
My b/f's Mom lives by Cape Canaveral so we won't have to worry about paying for a room, and food expenses will be minimal except when we gorge ourselves on seafood at this wonderful establishment.
It is only going to be an extra 700 miles to our overall trip, and we can relax, hang out with my beau's Mother and get tans before finally heading home and getting back to looking for a job. At least now I am armed with couple new guns for my resume and even though this has turned out not being lucrative, or even close to it, I've acquired some very valuable experience that will hopefully elevate my applications above the rest. More specifically as I am applying to insurance related jobs, I can boast about knowing quite a bit about policies, insurance jargon, estimating software, and what have you.
So yeah, while I am a little disappointed with the outcome, I also have been humbled yet again by life and its unforeseeable perils. Pun intended. That being said, I cannot even express how much more confident I feel in my own abilities. This situation has been so exceedingly brutal, in so many ways, that it has challenged me as a person, as a partner, as a competent human being. And surprisingly, and I am not sure why this surprises me, the ability to adapt is so inherent in us all. Going forward, it is going to prove to be a very comforting thing to me, knowing that even while things may at any given time, prove seemingly insurmountable, I will overcome and it will get easier and I will look back on it wondering why I ever even doubted myself in the first place.
In some ways, this experience has been so enlightening and so eye opening, that I am afraid to go home and not be satisfied with the state of non-change I find things to be. I do feel like this has changed me, and in a way it has awakened something inside of me. I don't know exactly how to define it, but I am hungry. I am hungry for change, I am starving for value, I want to gorge myself on being purposeful in my actions. I am soo ready to work, to make money, to get on with the next step of my life! And I am open to doing that anywhere really. I love Colorado beyond comprehension, but after doing something like this, I feel this nomadic urge. I want to see more new places, experience more new cultures and get out of my comfort zone. There is something to be said for routine, but to be knocked out of that so abruptly and forced into a place of extreme pressure, the perceived threats of yesterday become the non-issues of today.
That being said, I've been applying to jobs whenever I get the chance, most of which are insurance type jobs, but anything really to get this ball rolling. In the meanwhile, I am going to concentrate on this mini-vacation we are heading on tomorrow and try to re-group, re-ground and re-vitalize for what lies ahead. I know I am going to need as much energy and motivation as I can possibly muster!
That aside, I am still quite bummed I'll be missing out on Autumn, so I am hoping that on our drive back, we will be able to observe the change throughout the country. One place I'm quite looking forward to is driving through Kentucky, because it is gorgeous and has no lack of foliage.
I was really hoping to visit Virginia to attend an event we were invited to by an older couple we met at a hotel here. Because that is where the concept of Autumn undoubtably makes Colorado's attempt at Fall look like child's play. Unfortunately, we have encountered some additional impediments to our plan, and the finances are not conducive towards that end. So it is what it is and I will make sure to visit that area when I do actually have the luxury to follow through on one of my life long dreams of visiting the East in Autumn.
In lieu of that, we are going to hop skip and jump on over to Florida, because after all our hard work and insane work schedules, we deserve to enjoy some serious down time.
My b/f's Mom lives by Cape Canaveral so we won't have to worry about paying for a room, and food expenses will be minimal except when we gorge ourselves on seafood at this wonderful establishment.
It is only going to be an extra 700 miles to our overall trip, and we can relax, hang out with my beau's Mother and get tans before finally heading home and getting back to looking for a job. At least now I am armed with couple new guns for my resume and even though this has turned out not being lucrative, or even close to it, I've acquired some very valuable experience that will hopefully elevate my applications above the rest. More specifically as I am applying to insurance related jobs, I can boast about knowing quite a bit about policies, insurance jargon, estimating software, and what have you.
So yeah, while I am a little disappointed with the outcome, I also have been humbled yet again by life and its unforeseeable perils. Pun intended. That being said, I cannot even express how much more confident I feel in my own abilities. This situation has been so exceedingly brutal, in so many ways, that it has challenged me as a person, as a partner, as a competent human being. And surprisingly, and I am not sure why this surprises me, the ability to adapt is so inherent in us all. Going forward, it is going to prove to be a very comforting thing to me, knowing that even while things may at any given time, prove seemingly insurmountable, I will overcome and it will get easier and I will look back on it wondering why I ever even doubted myself in the first place.
In some ways, this experience has been so enlightening and so eye opening, that I am afraid to go home and not be satisfied with the state of non-change I find things to be. I do feel like this has changed me, and in a way it has awakened something inside of me. I don't know exactly how to define it, but I am hungry. I am hungry for change, I am starving for value, I want to gorge myself on being purposeful in my actions. I am soo ready to work, to make money, to get on with the next step of my life! And I am open to doing that anywhere really. I love Colorado beyond comprehension, but after doing something like this, I feel this nomadic urge. I want to see more new places, experience more new cultures and get out of my comfort zone. There is something to be said for routine, but to be knocked out of that so abruptly and forced into a place of extreme pressure, the perceived threats of yesterday become the non-issues of today.
That being said, I've been applying to jobs whenever I get the chance, most of which are insurance type jobs, but anything really to get this ball rolling. In the meanwhile, I am going to concentrate on this mini-vacation we are heading on tomorrow and try to re-group, re-ground and re-vitalize for what lies ahead. I know I am going to need as much energy and motivation as I can possibly muster!
Sep 26, 2011
New Chapter
Its funny, because that is the name of what I coin "Therapy Sessions". An attempt to reconcile myself to the reality of life by writing it out in a diary of sorts as if I am telling it to a psychologist. Done more out of the fact that I think psychologists are idiots and psychiatrists are even worse and writing is free and cathartic.
That being said, I guess I have an update to do.
I came to the realization before making this crazy decision, that this is the first time in my life I actually have that luxury. No, seriously. I have been otherwise engaged in some form of obligation for the last 26 years,. Stuck in school, trying to finish my degree. Committed to working for a certain organization or establishment. In a long term relationship that had its roots tangled up in one place. Even tied to a mortgage as a landlord having to deal with the issues of property management and keeping my tenants happy. I mean, I guess I hadn't realized the meaning of freedom until just a few months ago, when I experienced a taste of it by getting laid off, having obtained my degrees and not being stuck in a lease of any kind.
At first it was so foreign to me, I wasn't sure I liked it all that much. I have become so conditioned to a certain level of business, that no agenda on the plate was disconcerting. I don't know about you, but for the most part I've been living my life with the idea that there is some goal to accomplish down the road. If it wasn't one thing I had to do, it was another. Deadlines, papers to write, projects to complete, work to initiate and orders to be taken. It has been a never ending barrage of doing things I didn't necessarily want to do, because I had to jump through some hoop to prove I was a capable and competent person in this society.
So, while on my own, without the luxury of having directions forced down my throat, I became overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of what lie ahead. So many options...You see, there have been studies done within the genre of consumer research, but more largely as a result of attempting to understand behavior and how it affects purchasing power...When faced with too many options, someone is liable to opt out of the responsibility of having to make a decision, because the resulting cognitive dissonance is too uncomfortable and too stressful to deal with. So large product pushers will typically offer a standard value item, a middle value item and a luxury value item to lessen the burden of choice on a consumer and help them feel comfortable with their buying decision.
I guess you can say to some degree that this is what I was engaged in. A struggle to define what I wanted to do, to filter through the many skills I've acquired throughout the years versus the talents I naturally posses and determine a healthy medium where I could apply both and do something worthwhile and lucrative. Of course, this didn't actually happen. I mean, I was able to go and refine my abilities and experience into a one of a kind resume to showcase what I bring to the table, but as I applied to place after place and was rejected time and again, I came to the realization that whatever I can do or offer isn't necessarily of value in the current climate and that I would have to figure out another way to set myself apart.
My plan had been to learn Adobe Creative Suite because I prefer creatively driven work where I can design and produce quality media. But life kinda got in the way, and even though I didn't have any obligations, the job hunt was taking up a great deal of my time and so were the little nit picky things that seem to develop into an insurmountable mountain of things to do.
I couldn't make a decision on whether or not I should invest in myself by honing the skills I had acquired in school, or get certified in Microsoft Office so as to settle into a safe position doing administration in some dusty cubicle somewhere. And it got to the point that I felt a certain level of apathy I'd never encountered in my life. More like defeat actually.
Jacob and I had many many discussions about insurance being a good industry to get into. In my experience, my ex fiancee had gotten a really lucrative job before I left him doing roofing estimates after the large hail storm of 2009. On the flip side of that is the insurance that pays out. And in the middle is the insurance adjuster. Finally, we decided Jacob would attend a course and get certified as an adjuster, I wouldn't take the course because everything he learned he could convey to me and I could become an adjuster trainee and get my license that way.
This was all kind of on the side of course, a second to my career and I don't know if I was actually serious about taking that leap if it presented itself, or just being encouraging. Either way, he ended his training and then......Nothing. We had thought we would be heading out to value properties after Hurricane Irene and in a flash had obtained all the necessary equipment and supplies to do the job as we understood it. well, news came in and we were both let down that he would not be getting deployed. At least not for a week.
The truth is that neither of us had anything to lose except for the already dwindling savings I'd managed to scrounge together during my time with the SSA. And money, well, who cares, that comes and goes, so fuck it and lets try something new. Even if we fail, we would still have gained experience, and that is the most important thing. And we will have seen a part of the country neither of us has been to. Well, exactly a week later, the morning after a wild birthday party I threw Jacob, we got wind that a company was in need of adjusters and we promptly repacked our things and headed who knows where with no idea of what lay ahead of us.
And now, here I am, almost 3 weeks later glad to finally have a plan. We are finishing up our first 30 batches of claims, it took us much longer than anticipated and we encountered some real hoops, but they are the kind that you take pride in overcoming. Not that you are doing because you apathetically agree to as a means to an end. Even last week I thought I wouldn't really be all that good at adjusting, there is just so much you have to learn, and I have no construction background whatsoever. Well, lo and behold, it is just coming to me, and thank God for Jacob, because I wouldn't know up from down about it if he weren't here to offer his construction expertise.
So all in all, while I am not exactly on top of my shit here, we still have a lot to learn.. I do feel very confident, and even if this doesn't lead to a career in adjusting, it might open up some doors elsewhere such as underwriting, or claims processing, or maybe I'll become an agent? Who knows? But all I can say is being your own boss to an extent, making your own schedule, determining your own workflow process is very rewarding. The stress has been difficult to navigate, and I'm sure all the comfort foods hasn't helped either, but I'm getting back to a place of balance and hoping that because I was, because we were willing to take this leap of faith, we will be rewarded with more work. After all, I have all the time in the world! Might as well make myself useful.
Well, that being said, I had better get to work. Gotta finish up these claims so we can get more...
That being said, I guess I have an update to do.
I came to the realization before making this crazy decision, that this is the first time in my life I actually have that luxury. No, seriously. I have been otherwise engaged in some form of obligation for the last 26 years,. Stuck in school, trying to finish my degree. Committed to working for a certain organization or establishment. In a long term relationship that had its roots tangled up in one place. Even tied to a mortgage as a landlord having to deal with the issues of property management and keeping my tenants happy. I mean, I guess I hadn't realized the meaning of freedom until just a few months ago, when I experienced a taste of it by getting laid off, having obtained my degrees and not being stuck in a lease of any kind.
At first it was so foreign to me, I wasn't sure I liked it all that much. I have become so conditioned to a certain level of business, that no agenda on the plate was disconcerting. I don't know about you, but for the most part I've been living my life with the idea that there is some goal to accomplish down the road. If it wasn't one thing I had to do, it was another. Deadlines, papers to write, projects to complete, work to initiate and orders to be taken. It has been a never ending barrage of doing things I didn't necessarily want to do, because I had to jump through some hoop to prove I was a capable and competent person in this society.
So, while on my own, without the luxury of having directions forced down my throat, I became overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of what lie ahead. So many options...You see, there have been studies done within the genre of consumer research, but more largely as a result of attempting to understand behavior and how it affects purchasing power...When faced with too many options, someone is liable to opt out of the responsibility of having to make a decision, because the resulting cognitive dissonance is too uncomfortable and too stressful to deal with. So large product pushers will typically offer a standard value item, a middle value item and a luxury value item to lessen the burden of choice on a consumer and help them feel comfortable with their buying decision.
I guess you can say to some degree that this is what I was engaged in. A struggle to define what I wanted to do, to filter through the many skills I've acquired throughout the years versus the talents I naturally posses and determine a healthy medium where I could apply both and do something worthwhile and lucrative. Of course, this didn't actually happen. I mean, I was able to go and refine my abilities and experience into a one of a kind resume to showcase what I bring to the table, but as I applied to place after place and was rejected time and again, I came to the realization that whatever I can do or offer isn't necessarily of value in the current climate and that I would have to figure out another way to set myself apart.
My plan had been to learn Adobe Creative Suite because I prefer creatively driven work where I can design and produce quality media. But life kinda got in the way, and even though I didn't have any obligations, the job hunt was taking up a great deal of my time and so were the little nit picky things that seem to develop into an insurmountable mountain of things to do.
I couldn't make a decision on whether or not I should invest in myself by honing the skills I had acquired in school, or get certified in Microsoft Office so as to settle into a safe position doing administration in some dusty cubicle somewhere. And it got to the point that I felt a certain level of apathy I'd never encountered in my life. More like defeat actually.
Jacob and I had many many discussions about insurance being a good industry to get into. In my experience, my ex fiancee had gotten a really lucrative job before I left him doing roofing estimates after the large hail storm of 2009. On the flip side of that is the insurance that pays out. And in the middle is the insurance adjuster. Finally, we decided Jacob would attend a course and get certified as an adjuster, I wouldn't take the course because everything he learned he could convey to me and I could become an adjuster trainee and get my license that way.
This was all kind of on the side of course, a second to my career and I don't know if I was actually serious about taking that leap if it presented itself, or just being encouraging. Either way, he ended his training and then......Nothing. We had thought we would be heading out to value properties after Hurricane Irene and in a flash had obtained all the necessary equipment and supplies to do the job as we understood it. well, news came in and we were both let down that he would not be getting deployed. At least not for a week.
The truth is that neither of us had anything to lose except for the already dwindling savings I'd managed to scrounge together during my time with the SSA. And money, well, who cares, that comes and goes, so fuck it and lets try something new. Even if we fail, we would still have gained experience, and that is the most important thing. And we will have seen a part of the country neither of us has been to. Well, exactly a week later, the morning after a wild birthday party I threw Jacob, we got wind that a company was in need of adjusters and we promptly repacked our things and headed who knows where with no idea of what lay ahead of us.
And now, here I am, almost 3 weeks later glad to finally have a plan. We are finishing up our first 30 batches of claims, it took us much longer than anticipated and we encountered some real hoops, but they are the kind that you take pride in overcoming. Not that you are doing because you apathetically agree to as a means to an end. Even last week I thought I wouldn't really be all that good at adjusting, there is just so much you have to learn, and I have no construction background whatsoever. Well, lo and behold, it is just coming to me, and thank God for Jacob, because I wouldn't know up from down about it if he weren't here to offer his construction expertise.
So all in all, while I am not exactly on top of my shit here, we still have a lot to learn.. I do feel very confident, and even if this doesn't lead to a career in adjusting, it might open up some doors elsewhere such as underwriting, or claims processing, or maybe I'll become an agent? Who knows? But all I can say is being your own boss to an extent, making your own schedule, determining your own workflow process is very rewarding. The stress has been difficult to navigate, and I'm sure all the comfort foods hasn't helped either, but I'm getting back to a place of balance and hoping that because I was, because we were willing to take this leap of faith, we will be rewarded with more work. After all, I have all the time in the world! Might as well make myself useful.
Well, that being said, I had better get to work. Gotta finish up these claims so we can get more...
Sep 10, 2011
My new challenge
So I've gone ahead and done something crazy. I've taken all my money and accommodated my b/f to the East Coast to find work dealing with the damage that has resulted from Hurricane Irene. Basically since the job hunt is not fruitful, we have decided to follow the work and travel cross county to pursue a potential career for the both of us. It has been exceedingly stressful, difficult and taxing on us both, but we couldn't do it without one another. We have a symbiotic relationship to a great extent.
I just am at the end of my rope. If I can't find a job now, I'm never going to find one and I have got to get crazy and find me some work. I'm showcasing my progress at my new blog www.moderndayprospector.blogspot.com
I just am at the end of my rope. If I can't find a job now, I'm never going to find one and I have got to get crazy and find me some work. I'm showcasing my progress at my new blog www.moderndayprospector.blogspot.com
Aug 18, 2011
Mushroom Hunting
So we went a little early this year and didn't find nearly the bounty of mushrooms that are normally apparent in them thar hills. However, I was having so much fun taking pictures it didn't matter all that much! Here are some of those babies for your viewing pleasure.
Aug 10, 2011
Update
So it has been a while since I wrote.
Scratch that... I write and write and then save my posts as drafts because I am never fully convinced that in all the typing I've done, I've actually said anything of value!
I am probably being unduly difficult on myself, but the truth is that I've started to realize the value of what isn't said. As of late I have been reminded, humbled if you will at the fact that I still have so much to learn.
I am a very prideful person no doubt, and I see the value in having conviction and passion, but not overbearing others with my knowledge. And even so, I don't know all that much compared to what I could know, it is disproportionate and rather relative when you put things in perspective.
I am still on the Job Hunt. While I am looking for a job however, I've learned quite a bit about hardware and software in an attempt to make myself more marketable. I have upgraded my own Ram in my Mac, which would have cost me $200 at the Mac store. But since I watched a couple videos on Youtube, invested in a mini Phillips screwdriver and bought third party ram through crucial.com, I managed to do it for less than $75!
Now I am currently in the process of upgrading my harddrive, from a mere 250 gigabyte operating at 5400 RPM, to a generous 750 Gig operating at 7200 RPM. The reason why? Well, with just my software alone, I'm working with only 60 gigs of ope-ratable space on my computer. For those of you having experience with video files, and especially Final Cut Pro, you know that these files will eat up your space in a hurry. When I went through after the last semester and cleaned out all my final cut documents, I was astounded to find they were consuming 90 gigs of space on my comp.
That was just raw video files, unedited. So in my line of work you can understand the necessity for additional space. So I am cloning my hard drive as I write this, in order to avoid the process of having to re-install the software as that is just a huge pain in the ass and going forward, I realize I can just create a bootable external drive, so as the cost of memory continues to decline, I will probably invest in an additional terabyte and use that to run my OS if I find that my space starts to become an issue again.
I plan to start working on some mini-documentaries about some important issues in the upcoming weeks which I will go into detail about later.
So, here is my pride again, I don't know many chicks who can do or have the guts to take their own laptops apart and attempt such a feat. The Mac experts have brainwashed people into believing is far too difficult to even comprehend and have done so at great expense to the people they claim to "service". But I suppose that explains why Mac stock is the only one that maintains its ascent while all the other stock seems to be on the decline.
Aside from being technologically savvy, I have also rediscovered my passions. I had basically given up on having a homestead, and with the continuation in the deterioration of the dollar, I am not sure if I ever will be able to afford a little land of my own. I let that dream go, but with it a part of me died.
I am realizing however, that I can still be impassioned by going and interviewing people who are able to do what I want, in an attempt to inspire and engage people to make little changes in their lives towards self sufficiency. I did study video production, and I wanted to be able to tell stories of the human experience as unique as it is in this time in history, so I have no job at present and a very cheap little camera. I might as well put those skills to use in the meanwhile as I have the leisure to do so.
Reigniting my passions has sparked a light under my previous optimistic self, and while I spend a lot of time consumed with righteous indignation aimed at the rise of Corporate Fascism, I still believe in the individual and our ability to overcome these injustices which have been allowed to take place in our great and vast country.
Seed saving has been my own form of resistance to the culture of death that has been introduced biologically into inherently living ecosystems designed to perpetuate profit. Participating in age old forms of food preservation have empowered me with the knowledge that I can restore the balance of my own body while making my food last to further its value both economically and nutritionally.
So there are things that we can do, personally and collectively to show those in power that we will not be passified or let our food be pasteurized. And my new contribution to this movement will be to document the ways in which the people in my community are taking steps to ensure the integrity of their life's work. Having to slave for a dollar that is ultimately being obliterated and forcing us into servitude even though many things could have not only prevented it, but measures are being taken to ensure its decimation. Lets not get into that.
The point is, that there are actions we can indulge so that the affect of this travesty against our sovereignty will be softened. And I intend to provide people with the tools to do what is within their grasp and with the resources at their disposal to step by step, make a transition towards self reliance.
That being said, I have a couple ideas..
I would like to plan a canning party where I document the process and engage people within the community to partake so we can learn this skill that was once a mainstay of the American family unit.
I am also planning a trip to the mountains to collect a bounty of Porcini mushrooms that are so prevalent in the foothills and I will document that as well when that season arrives.
Take it moment to moment!
Scratch that... I write and write and then save my posts as drafts because I am never fully convinced that in all the typing I've done, I've actually said anything of value!
I am probably being unduly difficult on myself, but the truth is that I've started to realize the value of what isn't said. As of late I have been reminded, humbled if you will at the fact that I still have so much to learn.
I am a very prideful person no doubt, and I see the value in having conviction and passion, but not overbearing others with my knowledge. And even so, I don't know all that much compared to what I could know, it is disproportionate and rather relative when you put things in perspective.
I am still on the Job Hunt. While I am looking for a job however, I've learned quite a bit about hardware and software in an attempt to make myself more marketable. I have upgraded my own Ram in my Mac, which would have cost me $200 at the Mac store. But since I watched a couple videos on Youtube, invested in a mini Phillips screwdriver and bought third party ram through crucial.com, I managed to do it for less than $75!
Now I am currently in the process of upgrading my harddrive, from a mere 250 gigabyte operating at 5400 RPM, to a generous 750 Gig operating at 7200 RPM. The reason why? Well, with just my software alone, I'm working with only 60 gigs of ope-ratable space on my computer. For those of you having experience with video files, and especially Final Cut Pro, you know that these files will eat up your space in a hurry. When I went through after the last semester and cleaned out all my final cut documents, I was astounded to find they were consuming 90 gigs of space on my comp.
That was just raw video files, unedited. So in my line of work you can understand the necessity for additional space. So I am cloning my hard drive as I write this, in order to avoid the process of having to re-install the software as that is just a huge pain in the ass and going forward, I realize I can just create a bootable external drive, so as the cost of memory continues to decline, I will probably invest in an additional terabyte and use that to run my OS if I find that my space starts to become an issue again.
I plan to start working on some mini-documentaries about some important issues in the upcoming weeks which I will go into detail about later.
So, here is my pride again, I don't know many chicks who can do or have the guts to take their own laptops apart and attempt such a feat. The Mac experts have brainwashed people into believing is far too difficult to even comprehend and have done so at great expense to the people they claim to "service". But I suppose that explains why Mac stock is the only one that maintains its ascent while all the other stock seems to be on the decline.
Aside from being technologically savvy, I have also rediscovered my passions. I had basically given up on having a homestead, and with the continuation in the deterioration of the dollar, I am not sure if I ever will be able to afford a little land of my own. I let that dream go, but with it a part of me died.
I am realizing however, that I can still be impassioned by going and interviewing people who are able to do what I want, in an attempt to inspire and engage people to make little changes in their lives towards self sufficiency. I did study video production, and I wanted to be able to tell stories of the human experience as unique as it is in this time in history, so I have no job at present and a very cheap little camera. I might as well put those skills to use in the meanwhile as I have the leisure to do so.
Reigniting my passions has sparked a light under my previous optimistic self, and while I spend a lot of time consumed with righteous indignation aimed at the rise of Corporate Fascism, I still believe in the individual and our ability to overcome these injustices which have been allowed to take place in our great and vast country.
Seed saving has been my own form of resistance to the culture of death that has been introduced biologically into inherently living ecosystems designed to perpetuate profit. Participating in age old forms of food preservation have empowered me with the knowledge that I can restore the balance of my own body while making my food last to further its value both economically and nutritionally.
So there are things that we can do, personally and collectively to show those in power that we will not be passified or let our food be pasteurized. And my new contribution to this movement will be to document the ways in which the people in my community are taking steps to ensure the integrity of their life's work. Having to slave for a dollar that is ultimately being obliterated and forcing us into servitude even though many things could have not only prevented it, but measures are being taken to ensure its decimation. Lets not get into that.
The point is, that there are actions we can indulge so that the affect of this travesty against our sovereignty will be softened. And I intend to provide people with the tools to do what is within their grasp and with the resources at their disposal to step by step, make a transition towards self reliance.
That being said, I have a couple ideas..
I would like to plan a canning party where I document the process and engage people within the community to partake so we can learn this skill that was once a mainstay of the American family unit.
I am also planning a trip to the mountains to collect a bounty of Porcini mushrooms that are so prevalent in the foothills and I will document that as well when that season arrives.
Take it moment to moment!
Mar 6, 2011
My Website
It has been a long time coming, but I finally launched my website that is under renovation. I took an Interactive Media class last semester that entailed building a website using a program called Dreamweaver.
It is not even anything more than a skeleton, foundation if you will of what is to come. Although I must say, with as much as I've got going on right now, the website seems a far cry from a priority for me. I just need to make it through this last semester with my sanity intact and I will have considered that a success.
There is just so much going on, between the internships, the promotional modeling jobs on the side, all the projects I've been procrastinating on, I'm going to have my work cut out for me in the next couple months.
I tend to get a little bit side tracked and told myself I wasn't going to do this again! I'll start about 5 projects simultaneously and end up seeing only one of them to completion. And I can't imagine not ever having anything to do with myself, but when it comes to school I have a tendency to procrastinate.
Needless to say, 4 months later, when I was supposed to have my website up, I didn't because of technical issues that were really nothing at all. Here is the link Traditional Nutritionals. It is far from complete, in fact it isn't even begun really, but now that it is up and running at least, I can continue to go from there.
It is not even anything more than a skeleton, foundation if you will of what is to come. Although I must say, with as much as I've got going on right now, the website seems a far cry from a priority for me. I just need to make it through this last semester with my sanity intact and I will have considered that a success.
There is just so much going on, between the internships, the promotional modeling jobs on the side, all the projects I've been procrastinating on, I'm going to have my work cut out for me in the next couple months.
I tend to get a little bit side tracked and told myself I wasn't going to do this again! I'll start about 5 projects simultaneously and end up seeing only one of them to completion. And I can't imagine not ever having anything to do with myself, but when it comes to school I have a tendency to procrastinate.
Needless to say, 4 months later, when I was supposed to have my website up, I didn't because of technical issues that were really nothing at all. Here is the link Traditional Nutritionals. It is far from complete, in fact it isn't even begun really, but now that it is up and running at least, I can continue to go from there.
Jan 10, 2011
Goals 2011
This is one of those dreaded activities most of us avoid participating in.
I subscribe to the school of thought that living in the present is the way to go, with all else ending in headaches and an unrelenting sense of hopelessness. I just have had it with envisioning the future and what it holds in store for me, often to the point of stressing myself out beyond reconciliation!
However, I do know the value in planning and having goals, so I will set all my fears aside for a moment and attempt to envision this year as its "Ideal" version and hope that for the most part, I can create that as a reality.
Some major things I want to reiterate that I've been working on for the most part during much of 2010
These are some of the most satisfying things to me. Reaping what I sow, in a most literal sense. The garden is where I ground myself, and realize the chaos of this world is but an illusion and that the truth lies in a seed whose potential is much like our own, waiting to be untapped when conditions arise for the occasion.
I also want to get back into my foodie projects. My neighbor now has goats, that means raw goat milk for me which means raw butter and cheese for one and all! Oh ok, maybe not everyone reaps the rewards of my odd hobbies, but those who do, never regret I have them. I need to make more yogurt so I can derive the whey from it to start fermenting more veggies and I want to get into curing and pickling meats! That will be scary but fun, I've already made a fermented raw liver Pate and that was actually quite delicious. Next on my list is pickled salmon. So these are additionally some projects I would like to pursue in my spare time.
I envy those people that have charisma and charm and can engage and enrapture an audience through storytelling and know how to build interest or suspense in their topics finally to climax and leave the audience satisfied with their performance. This doesn't always have to be of an entertainment genre, but even being able to build rapport when you are educating a group or attempting to motivate them to action. I think these are very important skills that will come in useful in any array of situations, and it is a goal of mine to improve them.
Well, perhaps, if I wasn't a full time student with a job on the side, I could allocate my time towards that endeavor, but at present it simply isn't possible and I wouldn't even know where to start if I had that freedom. Therefore, I am going to keep this goal simple for now. I hope to find something akin to a career I can begin, that will provide me with the resources to do what I love on the side, and hopefully I can figure out a way to develop a residual income based upon following my bliss. This can have anything to do with Gardening, Nutrition, Production, Design/Publishing-digital and otherwise, Communication, Writing, Research etc.
So I will be ok doing something mundane for the time being, assuming it pays decent, but ultimately, I have bigger goals and anything I do now, will in fact contribute to that ultimate display of genius I have planned to unveil once I can invest myself in it fully. And this will only likely happen once I graduate this Spring with my two degrees that may or may not contribute to my cause.
I believe God has endowed each of us with a pursuit unique to us individually, we are talented in various facets, and to know how to utilize ones inherent skills will result in great things. I have been a generalist for far too long, so I see the value in allocating my eggs to one basket rather than dispersing them throughout. Part of why I've drawn these conclusions, and seen their progress in my life is because of my relationship with my higher power. I don't have to worry anymore, and the more I trust and put my faith in God, the less my burden gets in between me and my goals. It is imperative to my success.
We are all so very busy working on attaining our goals, being breadwinners, attempting to maintain a roof over our heads that friends can sometimes be a luxury some of us can't afford all the time. I plan to devote a portion of my time weekly to friends, new and old, because with out someone to share this life with, I just can't imagine it being as enjoyable alone, although I have done it and can manage that way, it isn't ideal for me anymore.
I also want to be someone others can rely upon, for anything, and not flake out. I don't want to burn bridges anymore, as that only leaves me with resentments, and I don't want to harm anyone in any way if I can help it. However, I have a responsibility to both my friends and myself to hold them accountable and call them out on their BS when the need arises. It is a rare occasion, but I hope I can be honest without fear of breaking the special bonds I share with my loved ones.
At this point, there are a couple major things I need to save up for. One is a trip to Europe in 2012 that may span 2-4 weeks depending on my job situation at the time. And I'd like to start paying down the principle on my school loans as soon as I can. Those are my main concerns right now.
I've taken up dancing classes upon the cajoling of my good friend which just so happens to be an incredible workout. I also intend to once again stair step at Redrocks once conditions are better. Here, at least I have a beautiful view to work towards, and opportunities to meet like minded people not to mention get great aerobic and anaerobic exercise at altitude to prepare me for hiking and other real life activities. These are just a couple of activities, but I have others I'd like to pursue.
I bought a bosu ball last year that has hardly seen the light of day. I need to exploit it and use it to the full advantage. Physically, my goals are to work on building strength in my legs and bum. My upper body is quite strong and doesn't need much work, although for pain management purposes I need to strengthen my neck and back, and especially my core for all around body strength.
In addition to this, there is the pelvic girdle muscles that need to be conditioned so as to avoid incontinence in my latter years, and also to assist in other activities of a cardiovascular nature to which no reference is required. I also want to get back into some relaxation/meditative exercises like Tai Chi, Qi Gong and Yoga to calm myself down. I'm very high strung and stress management is of utmost importance to me being as I want to lessen the load on my adrenals as much as possible.
This seems pretty good for my goals in the next year. There are little things like getting organized and planting the garden and meeting new people, cultivating a sense of adventure and most importantly maintaining a sense of awe and appreciation for all the great people, experiences, and things in my life.
I subscribe to the school of thought that living in the present is the way to go, with all else ending in headaches and an unrelenting sense of hopelessness. I just have had it with envisioning the future and what it holds in store for me, often to the point of stressing myself out beyond reconciliation!
However, I do know the value in planning and having goals, so I will set all my fears aside for a moment and attempt to envision this year as its "Ideal" version and hope that for the most part, I can create that as a reality.
Some major things I want to reiterate that I've been working on for the most part during much of 2010
- The goal of cleaning up my diet remains one of the top priorities in my life. The reasons being, if I am to operate at peak condition, mentally, physically and in any other way possible, I need to provide my body with optimal fuel and building blocks to ensure that outcome.
- Also of importance to me is engaging the things I most enjoy. While my garden this year is not nearly as impressive as the one I built at my ex's house, it still needs some TLC and I find having access to fresh veggies to be imperative to my own feeling of self efficacy. I like having an abundance of dark leafy greens around for the picking if I so choose, or biting into a juicy heirloom tomato that I grew from seed.
These are some of the most satisfying things to me. Reaping what I sow, in a most literal sense. The garden is where I ground myself, and realize the chaos of this world is but an illusion and that the truth lies in a seed whose potential is much like our own, waiting to be untapped when conditions arise for the occasion.
I also want to get back into my foodie projects. My neighbor now has goats, that means raw goat milk for me which means raw butter and cheese for one and all! Oh ok, maybe not everyone reaps the rewards of my odd hobbies, but those who do, never regret I have them. I need to make more yogurt so I can derive the whey from it to start fermenting more veggies and I want to get into curing and pickling meats! That will be scary but fun, I've already made a fermented raw liver Pate and that was actually quite delicious. Next on my list is pickled salmon. So these are additionally some projects I would like to pursue in my spare time.
- Social Grace. My previous relationship took up a large portion of my time and resources, so much so that I was unable to cultivate the very necessary skills of socializing. Since my departure from that relationship, I've forced myself out of my comfort zone and met new people and honed my skills yet once again, to the point where I feel good about my ability to relate and communicate with others.
I envy those people that have charisma and charm and can engage and enrapture an audience through storytelling and know how to build interest or suspense in their topics finally to climax and leave the audience satisfied with their performance. This doesn't always have to be of an entertainment genre, but even being able to build rapport when you are educating a group or attempting to motivate them to action. I think these are very important skills that will come in useful in any array of situations, and it is a goal of mine to improve them.
- I have passion for many things, and I would like to parlay that into some sort of self directed career, but I am trying to be realistic for the future. I know the caveats to being a business owner, as I assisted my last domestic partner in managing his business for much of our relationship. There are many pro's and con's, but I would have to admit, less advantages than seem apparent at the onset.
Well, perhaps, if I wasn't a full time student with a job on the side, I could allocate my time towards that endeavor, but at present it simply isn't possible and I wouldn't even know where to start if I had that freedom. Therefore, I am going to keep this goal simple for now. I hope to find something akin to a career I can begin, that will provide me with the resources to do what I love on the side, and hopefully I can figure out a way to develop a residual income based upon following my bliss. This can have anything to do with Gardening, Nutrition, Production, Design/Publishing-digital and otherwise, Communication, Writing, Research etc.
So I will be ok doing something mundane for the time being, assuming it pays decent, but ultimately, I have bigger goals and anything I do now, will in fact contribute to that ultimate display of genius I have planned to unveil once I can invest myself in it fully. And this will only likely happen once I graduate this Spring with my two degrees that may or may not contribute to my cause.
- Spirituality- this should really be part of the top priorities in my life, as I have somewhat slacked off this year in relation, but truthfully it is what allows me to obtain all of the aforementioned goals and those that will precede. I've had the fortune to be humbled by life. I've been in situations that would have broken some people, but for me, they gave me incentive to strive for something more, something outside of myself. That connection I made to my maker, is what has allowed me to take a leap of faith and live my life outside the realm of fear.
I believe God has endowed each of us with a pursuit unique to us individually, we are talented in various facets, and to know how to utilize ones inherent skills will result in great things. I have been a generalist for far too long, so I see the value in allocating my eggs to one basket rather than dispersing them throughout. Part of why I've drawn these conclusions, and seen their progress in my life is because of my relationship with my higher power. I don't have to worry anymore, and the more I trust and put my faith in God, the less my burden gets in between me and my goals. It is imperative to my success.
- Relationships- While I know maybe I take my familial ties for granted at times, I try to express my appreciation to those people in my life who deserve the credit. Outside of my family, I have many friends from all different walks of life who bring tremendous value to my life. Nevertheless, I can be a little flaky and sometimes don't meet people half way.
We are all so very busy working on attaining our goals, being breadwinners, attempting to maintain a roof over our heads that friends can sometimes be a luxury some of us can't afford all the time. I plan to devote a portion of my time weekly to friends, new and old, because with out someone to share this life with, I just can't imagine it being as enjoyable alone, although I have done it and can manage that way, it isn't ideal for me anymore.
I also want to be someone others can rely upon, for anything, and not flake out. I don't want to burn bridges anymore, as that only leaves me with resentments, and I don't want to harm anyone in any way if I can help it. However, I have a responsibility to both my friends and myself to hold them accountable and call them out on their BS when the need arises. It is a rare occasion, but I hope I can be honest without fear of breaking the special bonds I share with my loved ones.
- It would be in my best interest to learn Spanish or at least start the process this year. Not just because of the implications on ones mental health, but also because of the job market being such a mess, anything I can learn to give me an edge will be helpful.
- Money- For the most part I've been doing a good job of saving, although I ran into a couple bumps in 2010. I lost a job, had to live off savings for a few months before finding something to sustain me. Thankfully, my mother has provided me with shelter after having ended my prior relationship that entailed a different living arrangement. I had car issues on top of that, in addition to various unforeseeable expenses that hit me from all angles.
At this point, there are a couple major things I need to save up for. One is a trip to Europe in 2012 that may span 2-4 weeks depending on my job situation at the time. And I'd like to start paying down the principle on my school loans as soon as I can. Those are my main concerns right now.
- Functional fitness- as much as I like lifting weights and doing cardio on a machine, I just don't necessarily see the value in such aimless and repetitive movements. I want to cultivate some set of skills while working out, so I have something to show for what I'm developing, whether endurance or strength or flexibility.
I've taken up dancing classes upon the cajoling of my good friend which just so happens to be an incredible workout. I also intend to once again stair step at Redrocks once conditions are better. Here, at least I have a beautiful view to work towards, and opportunities to meet like minded people not to mention get great aerobic and anaerobic exercise at altitude to prepare me for hiking and other real life activities. These are just a couple of activities, but I have others I'd like to pursue.
I bought a bosu ball last year that has hardly seen the light of day. I need to exploit it and use it to the full advantage. Physically, my goals are to work on building strength in my legs and bum. My upper body is quite strong and doesn't need much work, although for pain management purposes I need to strengthen my neck and back, and especially my core for all around body strength.
In addition to this, there is the pelvic girdle muscles that need to be conditioned so as to avoid incontinence in my latter years, and also to assist in other activities of a cardiovascular nature to which no reference is required. I also want to get back into some relaxation/meditative exercises like Tai Chi, Qi Gong and Yoga to calm myself down. I'm very high strung and stress management is of utmost importance to me being as I want to lessen the load on my adrenals as much as possible.
This seems pretty good for my goals in the next year. There are little things like getting organized and planting the garden and meeting new people, cultivating a sense of adventure and most importantly maintaining a sense of awe and appreciation for all the great people, experiences, and things in my life.
Jan 7, 2011
A little obsessed?
So I can see how some people might think I've been a bit over the top with my newly acquired sense of logic as it relates to diet. I will admit, sometimes I quite enjoy the reactions people give me when I reveal that I am on a High Fat diet. And then when I go and try to explain the dynamics, I get various retorts from people. Most of them are staunchly opposed, although they don't seem capable of backing their arguments up.
Others are open to what I have to share, although these individuals are few and far between. And then there are those who are well, upset by my unconventional approach. They simply do not want to partake of any alternative viewpoints, believing fully and wholeheartedly that the advice we've been given is infallible!!
I could then proceed in the fashion of bursting their bubbles by educating them about Subsidies, the agriculture and pharmaceutical industries and how one can hardly distinguish between the two and how -"Isn't it uncanny that most disease results from malnourishment?" and therefore what would having ulterior motives do for corporations whose best and brightest are serving along side our good friends the USDA and FDA, sometimes replacing their best and brightest with more of their own. HMMMMM. Needless to say, that sort of blabber sometimes ensues and then everyone thinks I'm a conspiracy theorist, and I have to correct them and remind them that I am a conspiracy factualist, and this doesn't help my credibility.
BUT!!!
I have something that WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I went to the doctor, after having my insurance reinstated due to the new legislation that allows a full time student to stay on their parents insurance until the age of 26. So being that this is the case, I have to hurry up and get all my business in order before it runs out again, in a few months. Needless to say, I obtained various tests of all sorts and one truly shined...
My doctor paid me a compliment as if ever such a one could exist. No, he did not make references to my physique, that is not ethical. But he did reveal how ASTONISHING my cholesterol panels are. He just couldn't get over how great my blood work looks on paper, and my blood pressure and LDL to HDL ratio. He suggested that GENETICS are on my side, which is not true, because as we speak, my own grandma in her 60's is suffering from all array of heart based health issues, not to mention slight obesity. My father has tons of health issues as well, and is on various Statin drugs from what I believe to be blood pressure and atherosclerosis issues.
My Mother seems to be in good health however, so I shouldn't discount that, but her siblings are unfortunately not faring as well as she. So I really can't imagine that it is genetic. Perhaps that is a contributing factor, but clearly cannot be the only contribution.
He then also mentioned that
"What ever it is you are doing, KEEP IT UP!"
And he inquired as to whether I exercise or not, I revealed that I do not, and mentioned that my heart sounds very steady and "You must do aerobic exercise right?" "No-unless you count walking to work every day?"
So that being said, I almost, I was just so tempted to tell him, I eat tons of fat doctor. I eat inordinate amounts if I can help it! When I get coffee, I ask for extra whip cream, I butter my bread like I'm preparing for the apocalypse, I scoop pork lard into my soup like it is cream, and I eat as many eggs as a person feasibly can in one swoop. Of course, I haven't been able to stay on top of getting an adequate amount of fat in my diet, I really do try but it is a rather difficult feat!
So, maybe you think I'm kooky, and one of those far fetched gals who has taken on an agenda to fatten up America. Well, I have to tell you, everyone I talk to that I haven't seen for a minute, feels inclined to comment on how I've lost weight and asks me what sort of activities I'm doing to stay in shape. I never have anything to tell them except, well, I've started eating a lot of fat.........
Now, the only bad thing I've started including in my diet is alcohol, but I think I can keep that under wraps for the most part, I don't engage in it over 2 days a week if I can help it. Any weight I gain will probably result from that consumption, but if I keep it moderate, then I don't believe it will be a problem.
So there you have it, something of an update, but like I said, it is hard to keep my fat intake high because of convenience. I just don't have time to prepare my own food all the time. Anyways, will keep doing research. I am currently reading "Know Your Fats" by Mary G Enig, and did a whole bunch of research from a project I had last semester that I'm finding is just being confirmed by what I'm now reading in her book. I also want to read "Eat Fat Lose Fat" by the same lady and her cohort Sally Fallon. I am also very excited to eventually purchase, Fat: An appreciation of a misunderstood ingredient, with recipes. So I will venture into the various methodologies that will make my diet that much more possible to maintain.
Now just because I'm on this fat kick, does not mean I have left enzymes and lacto fermentation by the wayside! Not to mention the importance of Organ Meats! Not that I ever have time to eat any of this stuff, but eventually I'm hoping to compile all my combined knowledge into a sort of video/documentary or book of some sort.
I see print becoming further and further obsolete as everything is digitized so might have to consider a more creative medium with which to promote this information to the lay public. That being said, I am in my last semester and will be studying the final, in a series of steps that will instill me with the ability to polish my productions so as to engage and enrapture an audience. I know your eyes are glazing over at this article, and that is why video is so much more efficient a communication method.
I will keep you updated as to my going on's.
WOW, I'm almost done with school, who can imagine that it would only take me 7 years? Life has a way of humbling us, or at least some of us.
Others are open to what I have to share, although these individuals are few and far between. And then there are those who are well, upset by my unconventional approach. They simply do not want to partake of any alternative viewpoints, believing fully and wholeheartedly that the advice we've been given is infallible!!
I could then proceed in the fashion of bursting their bubbles by educating them about Subsidies, the agriculture and pharmaceutical industries and how one can hardly distinguish between the two and how -"Isn't it uncanny that most disease results from malnourishment?" and therefore what would having ulterior motives do for corporations whose best and brightest are serving along side our good friends the USDA and FDA, sometimes replacing their best and brightest with more of their own. HMMMMM. Needless to say, that sort of blabber sometimes ensues and then everyone thinks I'm a conspiracy theorist, and I have to correct them and remind them that I am a conspiracy factualist, and this doesn't help my credibility.
BUT!!!
I have something that WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I went to the doctor, after having my insurance reinstated due to the new legislation that allows a full time student to stay on their parents insurance until the age of 26. So being that this is the case, I have to hurry up and get all my business in order before it runs out again, in a few months. Needless to say, I obtained various tests of all sorts and one truly shined...
My doctor paid me a compliment as if ever such a one could exist. No, he did not make references to my physique, that is not ethical. But he did reveal how ASTONISHING my cholesterol panels are. He just couldn't get over how great my blood work looks on paper, and my blood pressure and LDL to HDL ratio. He suggested that GENETICS are on my side, which is not true, because as we speak, my own grandma in her 60's is suffering from all array of heart based health issues, not to mention slight obesity. My father has tons of health issues as well, and is on various Statin drugs from what I believe to be blood pressure and atherosclerosis issues.
My Mother seems to be in good health however, so I shouldn't discount that, but her siblings are unfortunately not faring as well as she. So I really can't imagine that it is genetic. Perhaps that is a contributing factor, but clearly cannot be the only contribution.
He then also mentioned that
"What ever it is you are doing, KEEP IT UP!"
And he inquired as to whether I exercise or not, I revealed that I do not, and mentioned that my heart sounds very steady and "You must do aerobic exercise right?" "No-unless you count walking to work every day?"
So that being said, I almost, I was just so tempted to tell him, I eat tons of fat doctor. I eat inordinate amounts if I can help it! When I get coffee, I ask for extra whip cream, I butter my bread like I'm preparing for the apocalypse, I scoop pork lard into my soup like it is cream, and I eat as many eggs as a person feasibly can in one swoop. Of course, I haven't been able to stay on top of getting an adequate amount of fat in my diet, I really do try but it is a rather difficult feat!
So, maybe you think I'm kooky, and one of those far fetched gals who has taken on an agenda to fatten up America. Well, I have to tell you, everyone I talk to that I haven't seen for a minute, feels inclined to comment on how I've lost weight and asks me what sort of activities I'm doing to stay in shape. I never have anything to tell them except, well, I've started eating a lot of fat.........
Now, the only bad thing I've started including in my diet is alcohol, but I think I can keep that under wraps for the most part, I don't engage in it over 2 days a week if I can help it. Any weight I gain will probably result from that consumption, but if I keep it moderate, then I don't believe it will be a problem.
So there you have it, something of an update, but like I said, it is hard to keep my fat intake high because of convenience. I just don't have time to prepare my own food all the time. Anyways, will keep doing research. I am currently reading "Know Your Fats" by Mary G Enig, and did a whole bunch of research from a project I had last semester that I'm finding is just being confirmed by what I'm now reading in her book. I also want to read "Eat Fat Lose Fat" by the same lady and her cohort Sally Fallon. I am also very excited to eventually purchase, Fat: An appreciation of a misunderstood ingredient, with recipes. So I will venture into the various methodologies that will make my diet that much more possible to maintain.
Now just because I'm on this fat kick, does not mean I have left enzymes and lacto fermentation by the wayside! Not to mention the importance of Organ Meats! Not that I ever have time to eat any of this stuff, but eventually I'm hoping to compile all my combined knowledge into a sort of video/documentary or book of some sort.
I see print becoming further and further obsolete as everything is digitized so might have to consider a more creative medium with which to promote this information to the lay public. That being said, I am in my last semester and will be studying the final, in a series of steps that will instill me with the ability to polish my productions so as to engage and enrapture an audience. I know your eyes are glazing over at this article, and that is why video is so much more efficient a communication method.
I will keep you updated as to my going on's.
WOW, I'm almost done with school, who can imagine that it would only take me 7 years? Life has a way of humbling us, or at least some of us.
Nov 27, 2010
Fat fat fat
So this Thanksgiving was interesting enough. My family seems to think I'm losing weight, even though I've been consuming inordinate amounts of fat in various forms.
I've ordered Edible Pork Lard in little 4lb buckets, a 5 gallon bucket of Beef Tallow, purchased rendered Duck lard and already have tons of Grassfed Butter and Unrefined Coconut and Palm oil from before.
I am also doing what Matt Stone recommends in his blog 180degreehealth.blogspot.com; to increase one's metabolism by also increasing consumption of nutrient dense foods of all calibers, including carbohydrates, fats and protein. Now, this only works if you can to an extent, abstain from processed and refined foods which is what I've been working towards anyways!
However, he suggests doing this for about a month and being as sedentary as possible which would potentially lead to weight gain, if only temporarily, but also increase one's metabolism so that once physical activity is resumed, your efforts will be increased without nearly as much work.
Personally, having been an exercise freak for much of my adolescent and young adult life, I don't necessarily espouse being overtly physically active. I have a couple of reasons for this.
For instance, if you were engaged in such activity and for some reason had to stop, (illness, no time, an injury) you would suddenly be unable to keep off that weight you've been avoiding by exercising your ass off.
And now that I work for the Disability Branch, I've seen what sorts of crazy things can happen to people to make them not only unable to live a normal life, but further, put them in a situation completely vulnerable and unable to sustain themselves. Taking that into consideration, I realize the value of not placing undue stress on the body I'm going to be living in for the next century, and exercise happens to be a way to increase the chances of injury later on in life if I am not caring for it properly.
Caring for it properly includes making sure I get my colloidal minerals in the form of broth to ensure that my joints don't deteriorate, plenty of saturated fats, and nutritionally dense foods as dark leafy greens, wholesome grains that have been sprouted or soaked before hand, plenty of enzyme rich foods such as those that have been fermented, and animal derived foods from livestock that have been humanely reared- esp. utilizing the organs.
Now as for the exercise I do plan to engage in once I've finished with this increasing metabolism experiment, I think walking is great for starters. Not just walking, but briskly walking, keeping your heart rate up, going at a pace that is just slightly over comfortable and warms you up on a winters day.
Other things I feel increase muscle mass and bone density are climbing steps. I have the fortune of living not far from a world famous amphitheater known as Red Rocks that boasts steps galore, so much so that is a haven for all health nuts. I like to just take my time and climb them, occasionally building up my endurance to the point that I can actually run up the stairs, but such is not necessary. All you want is about 30-60 minutes 3-5 times a week, of elevated heart rate and the point of this is mainly to purge your body of the stress hormones that accumulate from everyday stressors, not necessarily to lose weight. That is just a happy byproduct of the process.
Matt also emphasizes getting enough rest. I have noticed that when I go to bed by 10 pm, I'm much more well rested than if I wait an hour or even two. The quality of my sleep seems to deteriorate exponentially the later it gets, even if I compensate for my tardiness by sleeping in a couple hours more, it always seems as though it were a shallow attempt. There are some studies on this to corroborate my own findings, in that the pituitary gland operates in such a way as to modulate your melatonin production through the amount of sunlight that hits it through your eye.
So say, not getting enough sun everyday will interfere with your sleep pattens and even exposing yourself to harsh light before bed doesn't allow the sleep hormones to operate efficiently. So it is recommended to dim the lights an hour before bed as to stimulate those hormone producing glands into action.
So on top of increasing my caloric consumption, I am lessening the burden on myself physically and also trying to get to bed before 10 and committing to at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I am trying to abstain from caffeine, or any foods that stimulate my adrenal glands- the ones that release stress hormones- and while I do occasionally drink, I am doing so in moderation and limiting the event to one night a week if at all.
So upon having learned that the ratio of omega 6 to omega 3 makes a difference, and I'm still trying to figure out what it is, I realized that I needed to balance all the fats and oils in my diet. I'm not going to any extremes of documenting the exact proportions of tallow to lard, but I'm just trying to mix it up as I go. For instance, if I ate pork lard yesterday, today I will eat tallow. I do coconut/palm oil mixture every other day, and then duck lard on occasion as well. Butter I eat on occasion since it has been pasteurized and tends to lead to mucous build up in my lungs and sinuses. However, if I can start making my own butter with the raw goats milk I have at my disposal, that would definitely be an intricate part of my diet.
Why would I do this you ask? Lots of reasons. Fat along with the meat it accompanies, is a source of fat soluble vitamins. Meaning you cannot absorb these vitamins without a lipid along side it. This is why you want to cook your vegetables with some sort of fat, so as to assimilate the nutrients in them, otherwise, they will be wasted. That which is inherent or innate, dousing your carrots in butter, or cooking your collards with lard, is the nurturing way to eat. Who ever thought to drown their mashed potatoes in corn oil? I know what it tastes like because when I was on the Macrobiotic diet, all I ate was vegetable oils that easily became rancid.
Just a note, I was emaciated on that diet, and developed some serious acne problems because I was refraining from meat consumption, ate lots of grains and ultimately eliminated the saturated fats from my diet. Not a good idea!!
Needless to say, I've also been eating pemmican, a Native American super food designed to meet all your nutritional needs in a one stop shop. It has a ratio of 40% Beef tallow (@30 g fat) to 60% Pulverized Beef Jerkey (@20 g Protein) and some berries and honey (@ 4 g carb). It keeps you satiated because of the fat content, and is designed to last indefinitely having been preserved in fat with the berry content also contributing vitamin c which is otherwise known as ascorbic acid and used as a preservative in making jams.
So you can see why it is a good food to have stored in the event of an emergency and in general was used by the natives and frontiersmen of old during their travels. I bought a batch to save me money on food since I have been eating out a lot, and since it is conveniently stored at room temp or can be frozen or refrigerated, I've stashed some in the work fridge for snacking, in my boyfriends freezer and where-ever else I can possibly put it so that I am not tempted to spend $10 buying crap food.
So what are the results? At first I thought I might gain some weight and that slightly scared me, even if it is just a temporary sacrifice to get my metabolism jump started so I can burn more fat later. Well, I will have to say, I've given myself free reign to eat as much as I like at any given time, occasionally overeating (esp. on thanksgiving!) and I don't feel guilty #1.
#2, I have not made any substantial weight gains. I would say I've actually lost weight, but the difference is it seems my fat is being deposited where it should be. On my hips and thighs and isn't unsightly at all. In fact, I kinda feel more feminine if anything! It is actually somewhat liberating. I wish it would be deposited in my chest, but I'm afraid my ignorant youthful counterpart that was obsessed with exercising prevented that from happening. Since I had no body fat during my development, I never received the endowments that my siblings are blessed with, and I'm more than 90% sure it is because I had an eating disorder.
Needless to say, I do feel more like a woman with my new found fat deposits, and I am not as eager to eradicate them as I feared. I do want to however, get back into stair stepping in the spring, as that has provided me with ample muscle mass on my backside and legs that seems a very attractive attribute to myself and from what I can tell, other people as well.
So that being said, thus far, I don't feel unhappy with my progress. My internal temperature has increased slightly, and I know this because I'm usually the person that is always cold while everyone else is sweating their balls off, and now it seems I've balanced out a bit. My acne isn't as bad as it used to be, but that is a hard one to figure out because of fluctuating hormones and the like. There are just too many variables to consider with my skin issues. But I think making sure I get broth in my diet on the daily will absolutely help with that.
I will continue to document my progress. As far as clarity of mind is concerned, I believe once I get myself off the refined carbs completely, that will help in this matter. And I don't have nearly as many cravings for sweets as I used to. In fact, the idea of them sometimes really turns me off! Which is a phenomenal advance in my opinion.
So that is my update as of late. I will try to stop in sooner.
I've ordered Edible Pork Lard in little 4lb buckets, a 5 gallon bucket of Beef Tallow, purchased rendered Duck lard and already have tons of Grassfed Butter and Unrefined Coconut and Palm oil from before.
I am also doing what Matt Stone recommends in his blog 180degreehealth.blogspot.com; to increase one's metabolism by also increasing consumption of nutrient dense foods of all calibers, including carbohydrates, fats and protein. Now, this only works if you can to an extent, abstain from processed and refined foods which is what I've been working towards anyways!
However, he suggests doing this for about a month and being as sedentary as possible which would potentially lead to weight gain, if only temporarily, but also increase one's metabolism so that once physical activity is resumed, your efforts will be increased without nearly as much work.
Personally, having been an exercise freak for much of my adolescent and young adult life, I don't necessarily espouse being overtly physically active. I have a couple of reasons for this.
For instance, if you were engaged in such activity and for some reason had to stop, (illness, no time, an injury) you would suddenly be unable to keep off that weight you've been avoiding by exercising your ass off.
And now that I work for the Disability Branch, I've seen what sorts of crazy things can happen to people to make them not only unable to live a normal life, but further, put them in a situation completely vulnerable and unable to sustain themselves. Taking that into consideration, I realize the value of not placing undue stress on the body I'm going to be living in for the next century, and exercise happens to be a way to increase the chances of injury later on in life if I am not caring for it properly.
Caring for it properly includes making sure I get my colloidal minerals in the form of broth to ensure that my joints don't deteriorate, plenty of saturated fats, and nutritionally dense foods as dark leafy greens, wholesome grains that have been sprouted or soaked before hand, plenty of enzyme rich foods such as those that have been fermented, and animal derived foods from livestock that have been humanely reared- esp. utilizing the organs.
Now as for the exercise I do plan to engage in once I've finished with this increasing metabolism experiment, I think walking is great for starters. Not just walking, but briskly walking, keeping your heart rate up, going at a pace that is just slightly over comfortable and warms you up on a winters day.
Other things I feel increase muscle mass and bone density are climbing steps. I have the fortune of living not far from a world famous amphitheater known as Red Rocks that boasts steps galore, so much so that is a haven for all health nuts. I like to just take my time and climb them, occasionally building up my endurance to the point that I can actually run up the stairs, but such is not necessary. All you want is about 30-60 minutes 3-5 times a week, of elevated heart rate and the point of this is mainly to purge your body of the stress hormones that accumulate from everyday stressors, not necessarily to lose weight. That is just a happy byproduct of the process.
Matt also emphasizes getting enough rest. I have noticed that when I go to bed by 10 pm, I'm much more well rested than if I wait an hour or even two. The quality of my sleep seems to deteriorate exponentially the later it gets, even if I compensate for my tardiness by sleeping in a couple hours more, it always seems as though it were a shallow attempt. There are some studies on this to corroborate my own findings, in that the pituitary gland operates in such a way as to modulate your melatonin production through the amount of sunlight that hits it through your eye.
So say, not getting enough sun everyday will interfere with your sleep pattens and even exposing yourself to harsh light before bed doesn't allow the sleep hormones to operate efficiently. So it is recommended to dim the lights an hour before bed as to stimulate those hormone producing glands into action.
So on top of increasing my caloric consumption, I am lessening the burden on myself physically and also trying to get to bed before 10 and committing to at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I am trying to abstain from caffeine, or any foods that stimulate my adrenal glands- the ones that release stress hormones- and while I do occasionally drink, I am doing so in moderation and limiting the event to one night a week if at all.
So upon having learned that the ratio of omega 6 to omega 3 makes a difference, and I'm still trying to figure out what it is, I realized that I needed to balance all the fats and oils in my diet. I'm not going to any extremes of documenting the exact proportions of tallow to lard, but I'm just trying to mix it up as I go. For instance, if I ate pork lard yesterday, today I will eat tallow. I do coconut/palm oil mixture every other day, and then duck lard on occasion as well. Butter I eat on occasion since it has been pasteurized and tends to lead to mucous build up in my lungs and sinuses. However, if I can start making my own butter with the raw goats milk I have at my disposal, that would definitely be an intricate part of my diet.
Why would I do this you ask? Lots of reasons. Fat along with the meat it accompanies, is a source of fat soluble vitamins. Meaning you cannot absorb these vitamins without a lipid along side it. This is why you want to cook your vegetables with some sort of fat, so as to assimilate the nutrients in them, otherwise, they will be wasted. That which is inherent or innate, dousing your carrots in butter, or cooking your collards with lard, is the nurturing way to eat. Who ever thought to drown their mashed potatoes in corn oil? I know what it tastes like because when I was on the Macrobiotic diet, all I ate was vegetable oils that easily became rancid.
Just a note, I was emaciated on that diet, and developed some serious acne problems because I was refraining from meat consumption, ate lots of grains and ultimately eliminated the saturated fats from my diet. Not a good idea!!
Needless to say, I've also been eating pemmican, a Native American super food designed to meet all your nutritional needs in a one stop shop. It has a ratio of 40% Beef tallow (@30 g fat) to 60% Pulverized Beef Jerkey (@20 g Protein) and some berries and honey (@ 4 g carb). It keeps you satiated because of the fat content, and is designed to last indefinitely having been preserved in fat with the berry content also contributing vitamin c which is otherwise known as ascorbic acid and used as a preservative in making jams.
So you can see why it is a good food to have stored in the event of an emergency and in general was used by the natives and frontiersmen of old during their travels. I bought a batch to save me money on food since I have been eating out a lot, and since it is conveniently stored at room temp or can be frozen or refrigerated, I've stashed some in the work fridge for snacking, in my boyfriends freezer and where-ever else I can possibly put it so that I am not tempted to spend $10 buying crap food.
So what are the results? At first I thought I might gain some weight and that slightly scared me, even if it is just a temporary sacrifice to get my metabolism jump started so I can burn more fat later. Well, I will have to say, I've given myself free reign to eat as much as I like at any given time, occasionally overeating (esp. on thanksgiving!) and I don't feel guilty #1.
#2, I have not made any substantial weight gains. I would say I've actually lost weight, but the difference is it seems my fat is being deposited where it should be. On my hips and thighs and isn't unsightly at all. In fact, I kinda feel more feminine if anything! It is actually somewhat liberating. I wish it would be deposited in my chest, but I'm afraid my ignorant youthful counterpart that was obsessed with exercising prevented that from happening. Since I had no body fat during my development, I never received the endowments that my siblings are blessed with, and I'm more than 90% sure it is because I had an eating disorder.
Needless to say, I do feel more like a woman with my new found fat deposits, and I am not as eager to eradicate them as I feared. I do want to however, get back into stair stepping in the spring, as that has provided me with ample muscle mass on my backside and legs that seems a very attractive attribute to myself and from what I can tell, other people as well.
So that being said, thus far, I don't feel unhappy with my progress. My internal temperature has increased slightly, and I know this because I'm usually the person that is always cold while everyone else is sweating their balls off, and now it seems I've balanced out a bit. My acne isn't as bad as it used to be, but that is a hard one to figure out because of fluctuating hormones and the like. There are just too many variables to consider with my skin issues. But I think making sure I get broth in my diet on the daily will absolutely help with that.
I will continue to document my progress. As far as clarity of mind is concerned, I believe once I get myself off the refined carbs completely, that will help in this matter. And I don't have nearly as many cravings for sweets as I used to. In fact, the idea of them sometimes really turns me off! Which is a phenomenal advance in my opinion.
So that is my update as of late. I will try to stop in sooner.
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